Where Did I Go Wrong? I Lost A Friend.

You know how sometimes you have so many gilrfriends, and they're just too much, you hang out with them, shopping, coffee, brunches and early dinners, tanning, manicures and so on? Yeah, I'm sure every girl reading this can relate, but you know what's funny? You always have that one friend who you can trust with your own life, and for me, it's not a girl, he's a he. L. let's call him, in one of my older posts, I mentioned my other friend who I was close with, but this friend, no... He's much more than a brother, he was everything. God, we loved being close friends, and what was amazing was we were so close to the extent that I felt extremely comfortable around him, how so? I remember during Ramadan, mom used to ask me at around 3 pm to go and buy fatayer and stuff, you know? little mimbeez you eat as apetizers with soup and stuff for Futoor. So I'd get in the car and while I'd wait for it to warm up, I'd call L. my friend.. This is usually how the conversation goes.

L.: Hala bizein, hala bil 7ub.. Hala ubooy, 5air? Na3am? -Sarcasm-
Me: 5ali9na.. Sh3endik?
L.: Sh3andee ba3ad? Tawny ga3ed min inoum.
Me: Maku zegayer.. Haha! Zein Rmi9'an.. Ma3nata mezajik zbala ;D
L.: Ana zein radeit 3aleich, law wa7da thanya chan I rejected her call. Bas maybayin b3ainich!
Me: T3'azil ma3a wayhik? Zein yalla badel, digeegtein waana 3andik.
L.: Sh7aga? Please, maala da3y mishaweerich al7een.
Me: Goom yalla 3aad, daloo3aaaaa. Bser3a, moo tizra3ny bara mithil kil youm!
L.: Yalla digeega wakoon zahib, salam.

And I hang up on his face
;D

So I'd usually pick him up, and just like every time, I'd wait for 5 to 10 minutes while his majesty gets downstairs and into my car. Occasionally, his dad would come out and say hello, asks how school is and whether or not I fell in love with his son. I didnt, and I won't. He jokes about it, and I usually joke back by saying he's too good for me or some shit like that. Anywho, so we'd take off.. And he starts bitching about the kind of music I listen to. Me, I don't usually listen to Arabic music, at. All. Him on the other hand, he doesnt listen to English. I'd be having some song on, and he'd change the station. In dad's caprice, you dont have CD's, yeah dad's just old fashioned that way. And I just got my license so I didn't get my own car yet. So.... We found a way to both be happy, sha3'alna 3abdilmajeed. He's the only Arabic singer I can actually stand, barely. But he's okay.. We had his album on, a cassette. I fell in love with it right away. So whenever he's in the car with me, I'd have it on. How did I fall for this album? Here's the story.

When the spring/summer semester ended a few months before Ramadan, I went to get my grades for the finals we had. It was around what, 9 am? SO I drove my dad's caprice and went to Gust. Just before I got there, L. calls, he asks where I am, I told him I'm on my way to get my grades, so we decided to meet up at Gust and see my grades, then we'd drive around in the Messila area, maybe get some late breakfast on the way.

So we were driving in his car, yeah..? Something -not make my ears bleed-ish, so he did. And what did he put on? Majeed's CD. Good, now I can push my chair back, enjoy the cold leather.. The cold air from the airconditioner, and his annoying tapping on my hand, but whatever, I was determined not to get my day ruined lol. The next song that came on basically killed this little part of me that I made sure never to show to anyone in my life, this weakness in me. ''Talee Tagdeerik'' came on. Yes. At first, I tried to understand the meaning of the first verse, then... I felt my eyes burning, oh shit. There they were, the tears, at the back of my eyes, I knew it. I knew that in just a few seconds, they'd be running down my hot cheecks. SHIT. Not the right time, not when I have a guy next to me, not when I have another human being next to me. The words, the meaning of the lyrics hit me like a huge slap across my face. I made sure he didnt see my face, so I turned my head to the window and looked out, then came the tears, fucking lovely. Yes. Fucking lovely. A few seconds later, he turned to me and held my hand with a questioned expression on his face, ''N., you ok? Shfeech yuba?'' ''Nothing, just drive'' I said without even facing him. Then he slowed down, and I knew I had to have one of those -oh talk to me, let it out- conversations. I hated those, I hated showing how weak I am to people, but he just got me right there, and I knew I could trust him with this. When the song hit me even deeper as the seconds went by, I couldnt speak, I just couldnt. It was so hard to even breathe out, I started remembering. F., I was remembering him. My ex. I missed him, and I was so relating to the song...

هذا تالي تقديرك تجرحني بتقصيرك ليت الجرح مو منك ليت الجرح من غيرك

من غيرك يكون أهون يمكن يوم ويهوّن لكن ما اني متخيل إنك بالظهر تطعن

حبيتك وذي غلطه حسافة حبي وإحساسي وعمري ما تخيلتك تكون أقسى من القاسي

The lyrics. And just then, he held me tight, gave that -you'll be ok, I promise- hug. I just adored him then, he was such a good friend. I needed that hug, because even though I didnt actually talk about F. infront of him, he understood what I was going through, (I'll talk some more about F. and our break up in another post). We continued driving, and the tears -Thank Goodness- stopped. When it was around 11-ish and the hot summer started to get the best of me, I asked him to take the next u-turn and head back to uni so I'd take my car and we'd go home. I remember that I was just craving for a freezing shower.. Ahh.

This is the story of Majeed's album lol I don't know why I talked about it, but I guess I just wanted to write about L., and this 3 hour trip was just one of the times we went out and had an awesome time, we do nothing basically, just drive around and talk and laugh.

I remember once, we went to Shweikh-Free Zone, not for the food or anything, I guess we just ended up there while driving. We drove around inside passing by the cafes and watching people enjoy their hot or cold beverages. We passed by a few couples who were acting all gay and cute, psshh.. Perfect relationships I thought. He thought the same thing, lol I remember that right then, we made this stupid pact where we'd knew we wouldnt keep. If we turned 25 and neither of us got marrued yet, we'd get married, yes, we're desperate. But we're also very realistic, realistic not pesimistic. We knew that love wouldnt last, that those perfect lovey dovey lives wouldnt last, sooner or later, the couple would get into eachother's nerves. And eventually, ran out of shit to talk about, specially when they have nothing in common. And no, ''loving eachother so much'' isnt the whole deal, no. It's just a minor part. What about interests? Hobbies? How much you stand the bad flaws of eachother, kids? School? Family vacations? Jobs? Money? Good sex? These shit count, more than anyone could imagine. Me and him, ok so we didnt ''love'' eachother, but we had all that other shit in common. But we believed in love that comes after marriage. We'd be great parents, I know how his is. Okay, he can be childish at time, and I'd want to kill him for annoying the shit out of me, but at other times, he's supportive like fuck. Gets me dinner when I'm hungry and it's 2 am in the morning, picks me up at 8 am to take me to the airport to say my last goodbyes to a good friend of mine because I was too sleepy to drive. There's so many more stories when it comes to L. He was a genuine friend, a person I completely depended on. I loved him, he was the older brother I've always wanted to have.

This post is way too long, I need to stop. Dad just made some BBQ, damn... The smell. Oh God. It's so good. Anyways, I'll continue writing about L. and how things went downhill in my next post.

P.S. Kitten, welcome :*