Hold Heart, Don't Beat So Loud. - Part One; What I Am

I woke up this morning at around 6 am. As soon as I opened my eyes and got myself out of bed, I pulled away the curtains of the windows, complete darkness to so much beautiful day light. I went to the bathroom and applied my daily UV moisturiser right after washing up, and when I got out just before getting dressed, I opened the windows and let in the fresh air. I had the sunlight and weather against my face, I could feel my pores slowly opening and soaking in the sun. Today, the temperature is lower, more than yesterday. I wish everyday was like this, I let the cold air in me, cleansing every fibre in my body, I loved the soft wind, always have. After spending two minutes staring out in to the sky, the noise out on the streets started; parents and drivers dropping their children off to school, then heading to work or back home, college students on their way to their universities, a few trucks here and there. It was a new day.

I always promise myself to wake up the next morning with a positive attitude, to think of what I had planned for the day and welcome whatever came along, good and bad. But it's been difficult lately, holding that smile during the day and pretending like you're not grieving in the inside is just... Hard. It's one of those phases where you feel like no matter how hard you try or whatever way you seek, the problems just won't stop following you. You solve one problem, and end up opening the doors of other ones. Things are not looking up, fuck this positive attitude. I had to get dressed or else I'd be late for my 8 AM class. I wore my favorite pair of skinny jeans and a white vintage top with embroidered patterns on it that I've got last night while shopping with Deena, my good friend just before I started applying my morning make-up.

One thing I just can't seem to understand about make-up is how girls usually set their alarms a few hours before class to apply a shit load of that stuff, it's called university for a reason. Education should be your purpose, not finding a husband, but if you get lucky with the latter point, then what the hell? Go for it if you think he's the one. I added some blush and mascara, applied my lip balm and rushed downstairs right after wearing my grey uggs. Coffee, that's what I needed at the moment, it was too early in the morning to deal with anyone or anything, I should get my Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha before heading to the university, it was 7.15 and I said a little prayer hoping that the traffic wouldn't be so bad. I couldn't be late, especially for that class, my professor closes the attendance system at 8.05 AM exactly. I parked my car right in front of Starbucks and quickly made my way to the counter to order.

''Good morning ma'am'' the employee said with an enthusiastic and welcoming tone that put a smile on my face. ''Good morning, Jeff. How's work been treating you these days?'' I asked, ''Oh just fine, thank you. I haven't seen you here for a while, you know my shifts never change, found a new Starbucks branch you love?'' He asked me, he was teasing and had a mischievous smile that illuminated his face. I liked our usual small conversations, Jeff has been working there for a few months now and he'd always be there every time I went to order. I've become a regular costumer, employees are really good with faces, and that definitely included Jeffery. After saying our goodbyes and me promising that I'd show up more often, I drove away to Mishref. Damn, the Fahaheel was jammed, I knew I'd get myself in this. It was 7.35 now and I was still far away from the university. Think, Danah, think.

I switched on my phone, since I turned it off last night before going to bed, I've developed this bad habit lately where I'd turn it off and ignore every one's calls from 9 PM. It was my time, time for me to relax, and I didn't need anyone taking that away from me. I dialed Deena's number and waited for her to pick up, we both took this Arabic/English Translation class so we'd usually show up at the same time right before class. ''Hala walla! Hala bil 7ub! Hala bizein! Shinu hatha? Danah ma 3'airha daga 3alay?''. Not even a hello, yo, what's jamming. Sarcasm right away, that was Deena, ''Good morning to you too, where you at? I'm still stuck in traffic.'' I replied, ''Oh shit, no way. I'm just about to park my car at North, dude you're gonna be late for our class, you know how the professor hates tardiness.'' She said the last word using a different tone emphasizing how much she hated it when the professor lectures some of the students about being late for class.

''I know...'' Pause. ''I'll be there in a bit, hopefully the traffic will miraculously disappear and I'll be there on time. But do me a favor? Just in case I was late, tell the bitch that I'm stuck in Fahaheel, and that I might be ten minutes late.'' ''Okay, will do. Drive safely, call me as soon as you're here.'' ''You're in class, you dildo. Why would I call?'' ''Shut up and just call me, 9adgeeny mani dasha broo7y!'' ''Inshalla, yalla shway wou9al'' I said just before discussing our lunch plans, where we were going and then I hung up from Deena. After maneuvering between different lanes and passing by cars, and finally driving in the Safe Lane, I was able to get myself out of the traffic and rushed to Mishref. Thank God, I was still five minutes early so I carefully found a parking close to the North door. There was an empty spot right next to Deena's car, and when I started hearing my parking reverse sensor beeping, I stopped the car, grabbed my books and bag, locked the car and made my way to the door.

As soon as I walked in, I looked up at the digital clock ahead of me and saw that I had two minutes left. Deena was walking towards me after leaving the ladies room and I hugged her a good morning, she was wearing her black skinnys with a beige shirt that was obviously not warm for this sort of weather, I always told he off about her wardrobe in the wrong times but I decided to shut up about it since we were getting late for class. We exchanged the ''How are yous?'' as we walked to N2 on the second floor, just as the girls were walking in class, we spotted Ms. H standing and watching eyes closely from far away. ''Eyes of a fucking eagle, those ones. Whys she staring? It's like we ate her babies!'' Deena said in a whisper that was barely heard, even for me. I giggled as I smiled to the Ms. H. knowing that hell would break loose before she'd smile back, all the students who was ever taught by her knows she won't even smirk. It's something everyone got used to, she was strict, demeaning, and yells and all, but Ms. H was also very fair; I've always respected that in a professor.

And my first day of the week starts... With traffic, class at 8 AM with Ms. H and forgetting to add sugar too my coffee, perfect. At least Deena was here with me and I couldn't wait for all my classes to be over so we'd go and have our lunch.

N. Kk
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