Hold Heart, Don't Beat So Loud - Part Five: The Spell Of The Sea From Its Whispers

I wish he stayed quiet... He should have stayed quiet...

The first thing I did after hearing what he had to say was just stop my hands from fidgeting, stared at him for a few seconds, then turned around to give him my back. I didn't know what to say... ''I've seen you before, at Gust. I went there the other day and I just had to ask about who you are.'' Wow. Yesterday wasn't the first time he's seen me, he's been in my university! How was I supposed to react? ''Really? You asked about me? Who did you talk to?'' I asked. ''Does it matter? You looked so beautiful, so kind. I asked a few of my friends there w they all answered in a good way, they'd say things like mashalah 3aleiha mit2adba and I loved it. Rta7t lich without even knowing you. And when I saw you, 7imadt raby... 3ashan chithy tana7t! I just knew it was meant to be, I had to talk to you.'' I went quiet. So quiet I could hear his breath, slow, steady, and constant. He wasn't nervous, he felt comfortable being this honest. Anyone in my place would be freaked out if not scared, who does that? Asks about me, sees how I am, ya7mid raba that he saw me again? These sorts of things don't happen to me, a girl who's so ordinary, but he didn't make me feel ordinary, I was special.

I backed away a few steps and looked around to make sure no one was looking. I could still hear the waves crashing on the rocks, the gulf looked far away, melting hazily into the black of the horizon. The moon was high, and the breeze soft and languorous, charged with the seductive odor of the sea. The voice of the sea is so seductive, whispering and murmuring forcing you to lose yourself in mazes of inward contemplation. This was so peaceful, it felt so real, the surroundings, his voice, what he's saying... All of it. It felt so real. I was still quiet, and he felt the uneasiness. What uneasiness? I love it, whatever this is. ''I'm sorry, I know I might seem so forward, but just know that what I'm saying is coming from my heart, moo ga3ed al3ab walla-'' I interrupted saying ''Don't apologize, bil 3ags, I appreciate your honesty, thank you.'' I said with a big smile. I could see how his face turned from being worried to relaxed of what I've said, he smiled back to me, and that smile was genuine. He looked so handsome under the moonlight.

''I better get going. It's getting late.'' I said a few seconds after the silence. I didn't want to go though, I wanted to stay until the sun appeared again, but I had to, my mother would be calling any second now and I couldn't be so late heading back home. Rawan and mom were expecting me. He agreed and held the door for me 3ashan I step inside, he didn't close it, shaafny asha3'il isayara and tilting the rearview mirror a little to the left. Perfect. ''Okay, tamer 3ala shay Khaled?'' I asked. I didn't know what else to say feeling silly for asking him that question. That smile again... ''Salamtich Danah. Just drive safely, and text me when you're back home, will you?'' I rolled down the window as he closed the door. He cares, I could feel it in me, it was real, ''Min 3yooni.'' ''Tislamlee 3yoonich.'' He answered and kissed my hands so gently. I felt myself blushing hoping it wasn't very obvious in the dark. From his facial expressions, it was. Great. After saying our goodbyes, I drove away. 20 minutes later, I was in my room, I quickly took my Jimmy Choo's sandals and got undressed. Surprisingly, my mother was already sleeping in her bedroom, and Rawan dozed off in front of the television. I didn't want to wake her up, she just seemed so relaxed, and she must have been tired from all the work in the hospital. I grabbed a warm blanket from the opposite couch and covered her up, just before heading to my bedroom. I needed a shower, but I was too lazy. Usher was singing, Deena was calling me, and I picked up. We talked for a few minutes about what happened, she listened the entire time and gave her usual aaww's and yaaay's every time she thought Khaled did something cute. She obviously felt good about this, we then made our plans for tomorrow and said our good nights and love yous.

I rested my head on my pillow remembering everything that happened today. It has been such a good day; no stress, no worrying, no tension, the sensuality of weightlessness that I wanted to last forever. Just as I held my phone to send Khaled a message, I received one from him. ''You home baby? You didn't text me, so I thought I'd ask.'' was what he said. I replied, ''I'm home, sorry I didn't text you earlier, Deena called ;p going to go to bed now, so I'll talk to you tomorrow inshalla ;* good night, you.'' and I slept immediately not reading what he wrote back.

The next few days were slightly normal, no drama - thank Goodness, and my midterms were coming up at Gust, I had to study hard, Deena, another few girls and I frequently met up and studied together in coffee places; mostly in Coffee Republic. That's where we felt comfortable, the environment there really helped us focus, and we were all quiet, kil wa7da tadris in her own world. In three or four hours, we were able to cover most of the work we needed to study for; Deena and I would usually text each other complaining how boring it was and giggling without the girls knowing anything. I really do love this girl. Khaled and I have been talking on a daily bases, he'd call and we'd stay on the phone for hours sometimes talking about anything we thought of, I was starting to get to know his personality; and every time he said something about him, I was more and more impressed. He was a hard worker, and that was most probably the most important characteristic I loved in a man, he respected hard labor and always, always seemed to be doing something that would benefit him instead of wasting his time. Mostly, he'd be in his usual dewaniyas at nights, and during the day, Khaled would either be with members of his family, in the gym, or studying in his university.

He sent me messages about random things such as how beautiful the weather was and how much he wanted to enjoy it with me, he constantly asks about how I'm doing, if I'm tired, if I'm hungry, if I craved for something in particular but couldn't leave the house because it was too late. The other night, I was having extreme back pain and I couldn't sleep properly even though I was so tired from studying all day. He called and sensed that something was wrong, after asking and nagging for a while, I had to tell him. Right away, he left his dewaniya and rushed to the nearest pharmacy for Voltaren pills, he then dropped them at the door step of my house and called me to get them. He was such a sweetheart, not just with the little things he wouldn't stop doing, but he expresses his feelings and always remained honest with me. He knew for a fact, that honesty was the most important element in a relationship for me, and Khaled never neglected to show me that.

What more could I want from this person? It's been a month, but it felt like a whole life time of good memories. Khaled showed nothing but respect, gratitude and caring. I showed exactly that, and nothing less. Deena would frequently tease us, complaining about the many phone calls and text messages in between. She seemed very happy for me, I was happy... I haven't felt this way for a very long time, and right now, I didn't care about anything else. I just wanted to enjoy this fresh and raw feeling, I wanted to take full advantage of it, breathing in every little piece of heaven he offered to me. I wanted things to stay this simple forever... I prayed that it would. But I knew that things sooner or later would get complicated as our relationship got more serious, all relationships go through that. The ups and downs, the arguments, the yelling and shouting, the cursing and regretting ever saying such harsh things to the person you're with. But I also knew that we'd always figure our problems out, solve every little thing one at a time until we'd reach to an understanding and get through to the other end, every time. I had faith in him, and he had faith in me.

I hoped I wasn't mistaken...

N.-Kk

xx