No, no. Listen To Me... Your Sister's A Very Nice Guy!

The title of this post, random much? Yeah, I don't know, shut up. Anyways. I wanna start talking about White C. first? Ee. Turns out he DOES have a girlfriend, she even goes to my ALgebra class. Karma? 7ada! I don't know what I did though, do I swear alot? Cuss? Uneccesarily have my finger up for random shit? I don't know, but WHY GOD? Why? Leish 7a9'y ketha? It's like, I attract men who have relationships, I give that fucking vibe that says "Screw your woman, I'm here, come?" but no! I despise people who do that, some girls don't give two shitts and still pursue whoever they want, but I don't! But WHite C. is just so adorable! Ask Ms. Q! :O No, don't, she doesnt like him. 'Cause apparently, he looks like a sister of a friend? I don't know, man. Ask her. 3'abiya -.- Don't say that about my lover! ;@ Blehh... Whatever, he's just yummines, I AM NOT attaching myself to him, I don't wanna get to know him, I don't wanna smile back, and I will not stalk him anymore? Maybe? I'll try?

His girlfriend's so cute, though! I can so see what he sees in her, and I'm saying this in a non-lesbionic way, honest to God. I'm just saying... She's cute and all. Kitten and I, before knowing she was with White C. ofcourse, always saw her and her friend in class, we used to call them "Junky" and "Fix"; Junky's White C.'s woman. Yeah? That's what we're gonna call her ;D We made up those names because we saw her once in class, shaking in a very weird way! With her head down and the palms of her hands cradling her head? I don't know, and she was shaking her right leg, you know how drug abusers are when they need their fix? Chithy. So I don't know, I was like "I'ma call her junky from now on." And Kitten was all "Then her friend's fix." and we just had this label on them ever since, lame? Yeah, hello? It's Algebra? Do we have anything better to do?

Speaking of having nothing better to do, there's this effing weirdo at Gust, he goes with us but I never ever saw him INSIDE uni, just at the parking lots. Anywho, tyeelikum isalfa, the other day, I was a few minutes late for my 10 AM class. So, I was sorta rushing? Driving like a crazy lunatic to try to get to Gust, 3ashan ma ysaker system il attendance! :O And there's this dude infront of me, w bared l3an abu buroodta! Driving 3adee 3adee 30! Nigga please, get out of my fucking way, drive in the right lane or something, got a class to catch! But no, il 7abeeb 3abala he owns the effing road. Great, so I managed to maneuver and pass by him madree shloun biza7ma and gave him an "F U" with my lights? A7san. I'm like that, don't judge. But the thing is, I didnt know he goes to Gust! Lana we were in Mishref, not even close to uni, so I don't know! I freaked out when I realised that he was as he drove into the parking lot with me!

Shit... Awesome, just effing perfect. Ma 3aleina, I decided to be in total denial, so I didn't aknowledge his existence. Yeah? But he made it hard, since he followed me to the West Parking lot, the big one, then the small one, then the center parking, then North parking, all this time, I was looking for a decent spot for my car. No such luck, but also, I wanted to see a5rat'ha with this SOB. I didn't wanna seem like "Oh, he's following me." But for real, yo. All the parkings at Gust? Really? Come on... I 6aafed the whole salfa, but he did the same exact thing the very next day at uni with Ms. Q sitting next to me in the car! :O Wow, she noticed it too! So it's not just my imagination -.- So we saw him today, yeah? At around 4-ish? Something similar happened, so basically it's an everyday thing, weirdness. keifa, he amuses me! ;D He's short though, I like his car and everything, I'm superficial and shallow that way, aren't we all? It's Kuwait. Thanks. So I'm sure he's gonna be there tomorrow at 10 AM ;p I'll let you know, what else happened?

Oh! Haha, this is too fucking hilarious! A guy was hitting on Ms. Q today! LOL after she parked her car to meet me, and we were on the phone, a guy like whistled at her or something? Trying to talk to her? Seriously? At Gust? What are you, five? Stupid? Makoo a3'ba? Rule no. 1: Never, ever flirt with a girl with you at uni. Not good flirting, la good flirting, by all means, go ahead (Ehem... White C.) but like cat calling and shit? Expecting the girl to ta36eek wayh? Ana agool dish ib shaba wayed a7san ;D He obviously didn't go to Gust -.- We didn't go to our Computer class today, dude I'm seriously starting to freak out min hal class! We barely attend it! But I swear to God, I swear! It's THE most boring class ;/ He doesnt help either! -.- But we shall, from next week. Ms. Q promised! If she breaks that promise, I'll break her balls, or "lack of". Whatever, you know what I'm saying.

So let me break it down to ya, A.T? I like. Okay? Thanks, I'm admitting it, I do. But too soon, yeah? Nothing serious for now, see how things go, I don't wanna pressure anything, I don't want anything happening if it shouldn't be, so for now, just having fun and I'll see how it turns out to be. I'm still in the "let's get to know each other a little bit more" phase. I wanna keep it that way for a while? And hope for the best. There, Lilo. I opened up ;( I do like him ;( LOL Shiftich ilyoum! SHda3wa mista7ya? ;p You looked pretty ;* I'm flirting, yes. Because I'm half asleep. I wanna see how things go tomorrow, more embaressment, drama, funny-ish moments where we laugh hysterically. Can't wait.

Aight then, gonna crash.

Goodnight

N. -Kk

xx

Keep In It Real "Keepin' It Real".

This phrase originated as an African American soul music expression. It means being honest and truthful, to have an integrity without hidden agenda, without bullshit. You see, I know many people, and I gotta admit, including myself lie at times. Sometimes we do it to get away from trouble or horrific confrontations, other times we lie to protect or care about the feelings of others. But the thing is, a lie is a lie, there's no such thing as a white, pink, red, yellow, green, indigo lie. A lie, is a lie. Full stop. I can honestly tell you, that I know a person who lies for the sake of attention, to prove to others that she's as good enough like everyone else, why? I don't understand. What I do understand though, is that each individual is unique in every way possible, he or she is different from others, say by attitude, behaviour, mentality, physique, and so on.

So why give people the false image of who you truley are? I don't know why I started out talking about this, it's just that it's been bothering me the past few years, as I grow up, I realise that there are more and more pathalogical liars out there! Can you believe it? Ask yourself, how many times do you lie in one day? Once, five? Ten? Did you lose count? You might have. We lie about insignificant and uneccesary stuff, why? It's just that this issue, or so called "bad habbit" has become part of our nature, heck it plays a huge role in our lives, that we feel it to be very normal. It. Is. Not. Normal. Nevermind it being ethically speaking, okay. It isn't. A while ago, when I first comprehended the fact that some individuals lie for absolutely no apparent reason, I tried thinking about something. And came up with a decision, I decided and took it upon myself to think twice before speaking, I need to know what's coming out of my mouth.

Is it neccesary to say what I'm about to say? No? Then shut the fuck up. People don't wanna hear bullshit. And that's what it is, lying, it's bullshit. Full stop. And the fact of the matter is, lying does cause numerous problems; such as people getting hurt, emotionally, and mentally, hell even physically at times. I'll give you an example. I was talking to Aj, a friend of mine today during our break. And she was telling me this story about a girl who always, always had her boyfriend coming over to her place. And you know what's weird about the whole situation? Her dad is conservative and super religious, how did she turn out to be more open minded? Is it because of our generation? Anyways, that's not the point, the point is, her boyfriend used to walk into their place with a Hijab, Abaya, and covered his face as well so he wouldn't be known, and so the dad's girl wouldn't know he's a guy. Can the father be any more stupid? How could you not tell the difference? Body structure? Eyes? Eyebrows? Walk? Body language? No?

Unless you're dating a homosexual, in that case, dump him bitch. But apparently, her father bought the lie, and you see the boyfriend getting in and out of the house on a daily bases, spending the entire day sometimes in his girlfriend's bedroom, mind you. So one day, the girl tells her father that her "friend" is sleeping over, she also warned him that her "friend" is very shy and wouldn't appreciate it if he walked in and out of her bedroom during the day. So her friend would be comfortable and act as if she's at home, because her dad's kind hearted and naive, duh? He agrees with no objections. And so, her boyfriend came, as usuall, covered up and spends the night in her room, God knows doing what. But because karma's a bitch and really does bites you in your behind, her dad walked by her bedroom on his way downstairs, he hears the voice of her boyfriend. As he walks in, he sees his only daughter, with another man, in her bedroom. And I'll leave you to that.

Honest to God, put yourself in the father's shoes, and close your eyes. How would you feel, walking in your daughter's room and finding a complete stranger spending the night with her? Shocked? Upset? Infuriated? I don't blame you? First off, who's stupid enough to invite their boy/girlfriend over when the parents are at home? Nevermind, sleeping over? No matter how big your house is, or no matter how many times you see your dad a year, once, twice, three, rarely, do you really wanna risk the chance of getting caught? Is it worth it? I respect relationships, I really do. And it's such a beautiful feeling being loved and loving somebody, the safety, stability, and serenity that come along with it really brings comfort to the soul. But, why ruin the entire image by producing lies that will eventually affect your relationship with the person you love? In this case, why invite your boyfriend over? Why lie to your father about something as twisted and demented as that? What's wrong with having it the old fashioned, normal way?

Why don't you go out? Have lunch? Watch a movie? Walk, or do whatever, or whomever, outside your house? If you have no respect for yourself nor your boyfriend, at least have the curtosy to show respect for your parents. I get it when you pick him up from his place, or him dropping you off to your place and so on. I do that as well, because I trust the person I have a relationship with, but not to the extent that I let him sleep over in my bedroom, with my parents, and the rest of my family sleeping at the same house. No, it's wrong. Forgive me for being a closed - minded person like that, but I am. And another thing that got under my skin, a friend called me today to talk, she's been with her boyfriend for a while now, not too long though, but she "trusted" the guy, and to me, he also seemed pretty great because I see how he treats and cares about her. I respected him. Emphasis on the word respected, past tense? Yeah.

When they first started dating, he told her that he doesnt have a Facebook account, "ma3anda hasuwalif". Eventually, she found out that he did and lied to her about it, WHY LIE? I don't understand! My friend searched for his email in that website, and it was there. His picture, his account, she saw him. And he lied to her, he lied to the girl he was crazy about, it just doesnt make sense. He didn't stop there, because she's smart and sneaky and all, she added him on a fake account she has, and he accepted right away asking her to add him on her MSN list. Really? Would you do that if you're with someone and want things to get serious and fast? No. Why? Because it's wrong, ethically wrong.

If you wanna fool around, act like a player, and hold your wheenie like a trophey as if you're proud of it, like it's a badge which proves your manly hood, they by all means, you do that. But don't be serious with a girl, expect her to be completely commited to you, and you can be a playing bitch at the side. No. She dumped him, obviously. Who wouldn't? She let the first lie slide, when he said that he never had a Facebook acount, but this? No, she did the right thing, she's smart, thought with her head and not her heart, which is what's rational and logical. I'm glad, proud of her. See what lying does? It corrupted an entire relationship and flushed it down the toilet, he just ruined an amazing chance of being with a person who will really make him happy for the rest of his life, why? Because he's a fucker, that's why. Lying is bad. End of story, just don't lie, find a way to say the truth, it can come out in different ways, it all depends on the way you deliver your message. You don't have to be harsh, too forward, or rude. There are various means into speaking and saying the truth.


P.S. I met Lilo & Stitch the other day at Gust, holy shit, they're just too cute! Suwalifhum twanes! I hung out with Lilo and ditched my Algebra class because I hate it? But mostly because I wanted to get to know her! First it was weird, I have to admit, bas ma3a isuwalif we sort of broke the ice and took it easy, she's so adorable! Then Stitch and Ms. Q joined us, us four should not hang out together, it's just too funny! <3 And I really do hope they didn't get freaked out from our momentary fights, Ms. Q and I, we do that sometimes. Keeping my fingers crossed, because I havent seen, heard or read anything from them ever since -.- Wienkum? :( So yeah, that's about it. I'm wrapping it up, too tired tonight.

Goodnight

N.-Kk

xx

That Part Of Me Left Yesterday, The Heart Of Me Is Strong Today. No Regrets, I'm Blessed To Say The Old Me Dead And Gone Away.

Makoo a8dam min this song? But I <3 it.

Guwa there...
How's everything? So I'm in Dubai, right? And shit, there's just so much to talk about, I wouldnt do any justice posting just one post about the weekend. Believe me when I tell you, this country's so breath taking! But before I write about that, I wanna talk about thr flight down here. Don't you just wish that you can pack your bags, get in the car, and have that car drive you to the plane itself? Where you could skip all the procedures and stages, getting everything ready, getting your tickets, taking the luggage, and the whole jazz? AND JUST GET IN THE FUCKING PLANE ALREADY? I feel you. I really do. Out flight was due to take off at exactly 6.05 PM! Supposedly, people go to the airport about an hour and a half before, at least an hour before the boarding. That way, you'll have time to take care of everything, maybe have some coffee or shop for last minute shit before leaving.

But because we're not normal, because we're different than everyone else, we leave everything lei 7azat il 7aza so we can simply panic. Mama woeks well under pressure, but she thinks the same rule applies for peolpe who travel, and that's.. Just.. Not.. Right, now, is it? Nope. We leave the house at around 4.45 and reach the airport like half an hour later? Why? Because our driver decided to take his affin time, thanks. Nevermind, so we're there. And it's so crowded! Maybe because it's a weekend, but the airport was so full and packed, I felt like it was the summer holiday! Shda3wa, wein ray7een? :O Hfft... A5er shay we were told that we got in from the wrong door, and we had to leave and get in from somewhere else? Seriously?

Ma 3aleina, that took like 20 minutes because of all the people infront of us, the que was pretty long. There goes our chance for some Frapps before the flight. Needless to say, it was sort of our fault, we left home late, arrived late, and got in through the right door late. So yeah, gal3atna. 5ala9na min hatha, we go to check in our luggage and take our tickets, no time to buy anything :( I so wanted a book for the plane, nope. Ma gedart. Madree what's the name of the place, where you reach in the other side of the airport and go to your Gate madree cham for the plane? Ee, that line was THE MOST LONGEST LINE I'VE EVER SEEN since I was born! In airports, I mean! ;p Wei3, wei3, inzein? Wei3.

And what made it worse was that there was this Kuwaiti man jidamee, middle aged.. Ga ed yhafhif, huffing and puffing, like yalla 5al9oony! Sir, we ALL have a plane to catch, it aint just you, dumbass. Wei3, I hate people ilee ma feehum 9aber! Moo chithy 3aad ;/ za7ma, it's no ones fault. The take off time is 6.05 PM, yeah? We got in the plane at 6 but we flew at 7.05 PM!!!!!!! Min 9ij umhum?! Ee. They're not shitting us, people. They are not. Il mafroo9' it takes us almost an hour and a half to get to U.A.E, there was this American guy sitting right next to me, wwoooyyy iyanin! <3 Kbeer ya3ni, but I loved him! Gi3adt asoulif ma3aah, mama and I. He's so nice! Ubey yshaweg walla ;/ 7amdella we landed on time. Ubey something happened after we had our food in the plane! Haha, it's funny now that I remember it!!!! Not really.

Mama asked for her black coffee so she asked the stuirdess (I don't know how to spell that word w malee 5ilg I check?) So the lady was like, sure, I'll be right back.

5 minutes later...

10 minutes later...

Nothing...

So we asked another guy, and what does he say? "I'm sorry, it's too late, we don't serve anything from the bar now because we're landing soon." -.- Mom was all what the fuck...? Seriously? She didn't say that, but her face defenitely did ;D So the American dude next to us 3a9ab!! He was like "Erm, excuse me Sir, but this lady asked for coffee a few minutes ago right after you guys took the food away, how is it her fault now?" Amoot? Isn't he sweet? CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD Y'ALL! It isn't! The mna looked at him ina shtaby?? Rayilha? -.- 7ayawan, asshole! Bad affin service :O t ayilaw shgaal? "He was like, you didn't ask ME to get you your coffee, did you? Was it ME?" in a sarcastic way, like it's not my job. Athbi7a?! Should I just pull the handle thingie of the Emergency exit right next to umi and push him out??? Walla ma yisti7ee? Then mom was like "Ta3al, garib garib.. What's your name?" Chan the guy says "Look at my tag name, what does it say?"

Oh My God! Walla 3aib ;/

She read his name and promised him that this would be the last plane he'll ever take as an employee. All right MAMA! Woot wwot *Victory dance* But she said it in a very cold way, which made it even better? ;D And you know how he reacted? He was even colder, like go ahead, lady. Bit5ar3eeny ya3ni? ;)

Mother fucker.

So anyways!!!!! Now that I've talked about that, let me tell you about HERE!!!! Here is amazing! Wait, wait, wait. The Airport is 7ada 3ajeeb! Whoever came to Dubai must agree with me ;D Right, yeah? 7ada! <3 Everything was clean. . . . *tears, lost and lots of 'em* We reach the hotel, and it's called Al Murooj Rotana? It's beautiful! Mashallah mashalla *tifs on building* And we go to our room. Hold up, I've always always always wanted to do something everytime I walk into a hotel room.... I took my shoes off and jumped on the bed! <3 Comfortable much? Seriously, I've decided to take the pillows home with me, thanks. They're lovely, 3ajeebeen! ;p I told mom not to do anything tonight, just chill in the room, order food, pig out and watch T.V. She totally agreed. by 12.30 AM or so, we were in Lala land.

The next morning, 6.30 AM... No, really. 6.30 AM...

"N. -Kk, mama, mama yalla goomay byi2athin i9'eher wintay leil7een nayma, yalla mama let's not waste a great day!" Mom says as she slides the curtains to the sides revealing the incredible view of the city, the whole wall was a window, covered in glass, il man9'ar iyanin mashalah tabarak ira7man! Was it nearly noon? I sat up, checked my phone for messages or calls, AND I DIDN'T SEE WHAT TIME IT WAS! Madree leish -.- 9ij 3'abiya! I got out of bed 3'a9ib, had a quick shower and got dressed to havve breakfast with mom at the other end of the hotel, il jaw kaan r6ooba. I. Don't. Like. R6ooba ;/ But whatever, kan fee hawa so it was lovely-ish? Yup. 5ala9na and went shopping, then and only then, my body started playing games. Yes, I had my period.

I don't need to say anymore, ba6ny gaam y3awerny, my mood was getting shittier by the minute, and poor umi seriously wanted to shop some more
Makoo 3arab wayed! Seriously, I've always heard in ohh most of the population here is ajanib, bas gelt they're over exaggerating! Ina shda3wa inshalla 5aleejiyeen ibaladhum! Nope, walla walla, I swear, yimkin a total of 5 families 3arab shifthum out of all the people I've seen in the streets, 2 malls, 2 restaurants, wil gahawee!
Where tthe fuck is the Imaratiyeen? Leish mi5tafyeen? 3'areeba walla, and now I'm in the hotel room again while mama's downstairs in the conference. She's so mi5tar3a with the fact that I'm sitting alone, she's calling every few minutes to check up on me, la ba3ad came upstairs a couple of times to see if i was still alive. Before leaving, she was like mama walla you have no idea how many stories I've heard about crimes in hotels! Oola Alla wakbar 3aleich! Crimes mara wa7da?? Leish 3aad? -.-
Mothers...

She wants to have dinner somewhere 9oub il ba7ar ilyoum, ma nadree wein yet. A7na 3alalla w 3ala the cab drivers. Kil ma ndish a car, mama would say hello and ask the driver of places he'd recommend for good food, and he'd be like yeah I know a good place w ywadeena. Hathy 7aalatna min awal ma 6abeina ideera, the places are great though, so thank you cab drivers ;D Oh, OH! Niseit agoolukum! Ilyoum for lunch, just before leaving the mall, my mom asked one of the security guys there where to go for some good sea food. Shgaalaha? He was like "You want sea?" Mom said no, sea food. "You want food? There are food courts in the mall." Mom said no, sea food. "You want aquarium? It's upstairs" Seriously? Screw this, mom was like okay, thank you, ma ga9art, you've been a great help. Then he stopped us from walking away wil 7abeeb shgaal?

"Listen to me, ma'am. If you want sea food, go to the aquarium. For the fishES! It's not called sea food, it's called an Aqua-ri-um." And he emphasized ever so slowly on the last word as if to teach my mother, a well educated Doctor, a head of an entire unit in the hospital, how to pronounce the word aquarium. " Aqua-ri-um... Thank you." and headed to the main entrance to catch a cab. She said it slowly, exactly the way he did chena ina ya3ni t3alimat kelma yideeda, just to make him feel proud?
He'd lose his pair if he said that to me. Mom's just too patient. Ubey, he was actually serious!!!!!!!!! And she thanked him -.- Really? So yeah, I'm watching this movie, that's called I don't know what? But there's these three charecters; Lee, Grace and Adam? And they're obviously stuck in the forest slash up a three slash there's water everywhere slash I don't know what the place is called but I hope you get what I'm saying?And there's an aligator in the water so they're basically trapped because their boat doesnt work. Anyways ba5areb 3aleikum il filim ;D

Adam get's cut into pieces and his limbs become the aligators dinner, Grace bleeds to death because the mother fucker bit so deep and hard into her thigh as she was trying to reach the boat down there. Lee is the only one who survives by grabbing a gun from Adam's body after swimming a few meters away to him, aims the gun into the aligators mouth and shoots one of his eye balls out! ;D So he dies wa3alaya and goes down into the water, she then gets on the boat after the coast was clear and headed back to madree wein? the ending was lame but I liked the freakyness of the movie. Blehh, I was bored -.- Ti3abt, ee my flight's sometime tomorrow il 3a9er? And mom's is at night, I hope I find a nice American dude to keep me company in the plane on the way back? ;$ We'll see. Anywho, I miss the girls wayed ;* And A.T il kalb, he's in Bahrain to see Formula One. He's heading back tomorrow, good. So I gots to go study for Algebra now, 3andee midterm on Monday, Alla yaster ma just shay! ;/ Glad I got my books with me, I'll study 'til mom comes back.

P.S. There's alcohol in the mini bar, and I'm not even tempted to touch it. Yeah right -.- Ayeeb ma3ay? ;p 7ag Ms. Q ;p (She's gonna kill me for saying this) i.l.y;*

P.S2. Let's get one thing clear ladies and gentlemen, I don't like A.T, I'm still not over Kk, so tawenas.

P.S3. I SAW STITCH ON THURSDAY, AMS? EE AMS! It was akward ;( I felt like I made it worse for her? Kint aby il ar9' tinshag w tibla3ny! And as usuall, I'm sure I said something completely stupid and irrelavent, that's what happens to me when I get nervous or feel akward. And Ms. Q didn't help? Hfft -.- But I'm glad I met her and found out who she is <3 Ma bega ila Lilo2o! ;*

P.S4. a7ibich Fz ;*

P.S 5. I like A.T. Thanks. Meh.. Whatever.

I'm gonna watch Sleeping Beauty on T.V before I hit the books.

Goodnight

N. -Kk

xx

But Now The Prom Queen Is Crying, Sitting Outside Of My Door. See, You Never Know How Everything Can Turn Around...

Waaaaaah. It's such a crazy world. Don't you think? I mean, it's huge! To the extent that we don't know other significant and major things happening at this very moment in other countries, even the ones neighboring us! Am I sounding incredibely boring to you? Seriously, man. Think about it, how much do we know about the educational systems in let's say, Czech Republic? Or Finland? Or Morocco? I know this issue doesn't seem very important to you, but you never know how things change masively in the future, maybe knowing about simple and not very extraordinary things might very much benefit you in numerous ways later on. Another issue that will most probably pass by you is litter and dropping garbage in other countries, heck in some, it's actually illegal, you pay a fine or go to jail I think? Madri minu galee, maby atfalsaf without getting my facts straight. I don't know why I started this particular post the way I have, change I guess? Mama's not here, so we're obviously not going anywhere to study -.-

A.T is travelling later on tonight, when the traffic is bareable, I might pass by his place to say goodbye. We'll see how tonight goes, and I have to study for my Politics quiz tomorrow, honest to God, I have no clue whatsoever about this chapter. I don't even know what it's called! :O Nevermind the number it is. Pssh. Whatever, I'll find out later ;D If I ever get to check my Gust email. Right now, it's not working, damn the I.T Department, Peoplesoft and Gust Email wouldn't open! Stitch, Ms. Q, did you try opening yours? No? Do it! Oh my God, random much? I just remembered something hilarious. I hope it sounds just as funny when I write about it! I have this bad tendancy of making old suwalif boring -.- 'Cause I just add so much detail, that the person listening or reading will be all "What the fuck...? Wait, I thought that... Didn't you tell me...? Whatever, forget it, I don't wanna know. Just shut up" And I'd be like -.- Fine. So here goes.

Ms. Q and I do stupid things at Gust, yeah? No, stupid doesnt even come close to our behavior in that university, we act like babies! You have no clue! We embaress ourselves, like have a quick boob grab for eachother in public -.- Who does that? What kind of normal, well behaved, RATIONAL people do that? Let me mention a few things that happened ONLY today, not even, like the last three hours of uni! We park the car and walk in, nroo7 the bathroom and after, il ma9ala n9alee then head to Subway for sandwiches. We SPECIFICALLY ask the guy what we want, step by step, like it always is at Subway! The dude working there is obviously new, we've never seen him before, at least I havent. That's not the point. Ms. Q memorized my order, so she basically did all teh talking, and we got the exact same thing, minus black olives in her sandwich. (See what I mean by details?) Fa 3ala a5er shay, when we choose the sauces we want, the guy y7i6 3ala keeeifffaaa in both the sandwiches, AFTER saying OUT LOUD which ones we wanted on our sandwiches! Hfft, we let it pass because he's new. So we were like "Can I have... Okay, that. And the one behind the... Not so much please, okay. Okay. Okay, that's enough, okay some more would be fine. That's it. And some... Okay then." And he'd have such a cold face, like dude, are you ears functioning properly?!

Narfaznee! It was a hot day already, any more iritation will just kill me. T3'adeina by the couches, and there's this guy we always, always comment about at Gust. He's sort of a friend of a friend? Sort of. So basically, when we see him, he does stupid things to grab our attention like coughing or talking out loud and saying something completely abnoxious! Even smiling, not even a smile, a smirk! Yes, a smirk! And all we do is either ignore him and look away, or comment about whatever he's doing, he's such a jackass, the team clown. You know? He's a clown, actually, Ms. Q and I call him and his little friend "The Clowns"! ;D Il muhim, kaan ga3ed yamna 9oub il couches on the phone ofcourse, w mna3em 9ouuttaaaa 3al a5er! We were both like WTF? Shfeeh hatha? I KNOW that his voice is not like that, it was sickening ;p W 3aad a7na ma ga9arna, ga6eina athoona! ;$ Ma 3alein, shsawa il 7abeeb? He literally LAID DOWN NSEDA7 3ALA THE COUCH! Ana 9ar feeny... -.- And Ms. Q was laughing so hard, her face went red! We were so ashkara, but do you blame us? It wasn't even like a regular insidi7ing! But like, striking a pose? Chena 3abala someone's gonna take a picture of him? It. Was. Very. Gay and UNATTRACTIVE! :O Wei3 ;p He's funny though.

Shinu ba3ad? Isn't it obvious I'm writing about random things? Oh! I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT WHITE C.! White C. Alla ysalimkum is a guy with us at uni, he's one of the yummies, and believe you me, this guy... Is... A... Yummy! <3 He's just too adorable, and we've always made eye contact, even while I was having that thing with Kk, but it wasnt like I was doing anything wrong, he was just cute! And the biggest thing that ever happened between us was eye contact. So I'm guessing 3adi? Don't judge me. I'm marrying him <3 I wish... Bleh yjanin <3 UNTIL TODAY! Nothing happened until today! Aaaaaah, I died and became alive again because of him! Fucker. So I just arrived at Gust, yeah? Trying to find a parking, and I saw him getting his books out of his car! First, I was all "Yeah, whatever, so what?" So I barely gave him face, lana first I was still driving, so I'ma just be passing by him, barely any eye contact there, second of all, baa6 chabdee 'cause I havent seen him that much the past couple of days at uni. Keify, m3a9ba, I'm like that.

Soooooooo! I pass by, and what does he do? he looks out to see who's driving, and he looked at me, hnee I'm pretending like I don't know how that he exists, then what does he do???????? Ladies and Gentlemen, White C. smiles at me. Yeah, thanks! ;D He smiled, and it wasn't a very direct, straight forward, I'm looking at you and I wanna say hi kind of smile? More like... Should I look away? No she's looking at me behind her glasses, I'm sure, so I'ma smile real quick then tilt my head and continue what I was doing smile. And he gave me the "Should I look away? No she's looking at me behind her glasses, I'm sure, so I'ma smile real quick then tilt my head and continue what I was doing" smile! Woooooyyyyyy <3 Yisti7ee! I know, because he looked at the ground right after, and because I'm such a dumbass, I didn't smile back! Why? Dude, I was in total shock! He knows I'm alive! ;p Walabusshhh! Cute, and then!!! When I pass by again (Not deliberately ofcourse ;$) He smiles again, but this time, a bigger one, still shyness though! I melted ;p I'm such a hooker, but I honestly cannot help myself, he's such a yum.

Ee ba3ad, oh before that, Ms. Q and I were at the Clinic because she wasnt feeling well, I didn't want her going alone so I picked her up and took her! 7ayatee, it was very obvious she was in pain! :( I hope the medication makes you feel better babe! ;* And that's about it, I'ma have to start studying! :( There's just so much to cover in this chapter, God darn Politics -.- I despise the SOB who created it, akreha! But I love out professor! He's hilarious! Everytime I hold the phone in class to see what time it was or if I recieved a msg or whatever, he'd be like "Tmasgeen a97abik now? In class? Is it neccesary?" with an amused smile, and because it's so early in the morning I'd be all... -.- I was seeing what time it was, Sir. Bleh... I love him and his horrible English Accent <3 I hope this quiz goes well! ;D

PS. Ihdaa2, Fz;*

I love when you move like that, shake it from the front to back. Put my hands on your hips, make me wanna kiss them lips. It's the way that you move girl, everything you do girl. It's something that I want and it's you, girl... There's something that I want girl, it's you! <3 I love? Very much so! ;D


Goodnight

N. -Kk

xx

Tell Me That It's Fate Driving Me Insane, Tell Me It's The Real Thing That Keeps Me Hangin' On <3

And once again, mama and I left to go and study somewhere. I don't know what it is, but we just don't feel like hanging around the house and studying there. Madree leish! :O We even lie to the kids and say we're going to seperate places, so they wouldnt doubt us... Evil, I know! Bleh... We love it though, peace and quiet. That's exactly what you need after a long day of work (mama) and Gust (ME)! People at Gust understand, heck everyone at universities understand. Don't y'all? Yes. Anyways, so this time, we decided to go to Scientific Center and study there for a change, maleina min Starbucks! Specially the one in Bidi3 -.- It says "Freak Show" all over it -.- 9ifa6na, w 7azma il mukan!!!! I didnt expect it, we relunctantly got out of the car after grabbing out books and piles oof papers. Ya7leilna <3

*Charges laptop for half an hour 'cause she was too stupid to charge it at home before leaving, while reading her Literature extract thingie*

Half an hour later...

So yeah, oh my Goodness! You're not gonna believe this, there's this couple jidamee! yeah? Kuwaiti w an Asian girl, I'm guessing Pilippino? Akeed. W gathib eedha and the whole shebangbang! :O Look, I swear I have so much respect for foriegners in this country, I wave to the security guards at Gust, and I love Florida, the security lady who sits by the West door. But really, this? I mean, come on... Even my mama, ilee matishamat bil awadem had her eyes boggled 0.o but stayed quiet, did I? Nope, lazim a3ali8, feeny dooda. I'm like "Mama, what diz?" -.- She's all "Ssh mama, la yisme3oun." and gave them her back, lana tadree eventually she'll comment! Haha, don't you love her? <3 Ee, so ana because I'm me, gi3adt asma3 suwalifhum because I had nothing better to do, and this was done mind you, while my laptop was charging. So here goes, I'ma type what I remember from what the Kuwaiti dude said, just focus on the accent, the grammer, the beautiful vocabulary, he obviously studied in the States all his life.

Wait, before I start, I believe he was trying to describe to the Pilippino lady about that day when it was pouring rain, remember? Ilee kaan fee hail and stuff Gabil fatra...

Kuwaiti man *Mishtta6 ilaa a89a il 7udood with hand gestures and the whole jazz*: And then, suddenly rain fall fom sky, because it was black, the clouds. I run to building and wait there until the rain stop after long time. I see everybody running running running very fast to same building! And it raining was so much, it scary me and the whole people! I say ohhhh what dis?? (He said what diz? Ms. Q's word and I -.-) and people say this too much rain.
Asian chick: Oh... Wow... Too much rain... Were you scared?
Kuwaiti man: No no no! I'm a man! I don't scared when it was raining! *Obviously pissed because apparently she touched a soft spot of his manly hood*
Asian chick: Oh... *Bored out of her mind*

And the conversaition goes on about how it was raining that day, and all I could think about was "Seriously, woman. Is it worth it? Is he THAT rich? That you'd give up your single life to be with THE most boring Kuwaiti dude? Hmmm.... I pitty you" ;D Not really? Keifha ;p

Ubey, tara ana wayed a7ish! Sta3'ferellah. Allahuma la shamaata! :O Let it be, I DO NOT care about people, bas they really bring the 7achy for themselves! I can't help it sometimes -.- I'm having hot chocolate from Costa Coffee! It's so good! <3 Mama thinks I'm crazy 'cause it's too sweet and thick, I add sugar and a Flake bar! <3 hence, the crazy thing. Ee, so we studied for a while then left, radeina il beit. A.T called and said he's travelling tomorrow night :( 7mar. I don't want him to? hfft, I'ma have to work hard on changing his mind. But... Mom said me and her might go away this weekend to Dubai for this conference she has. Fa there's no point in trying to convince him to stay! ;p Bas he shouldnt leave before me! We'll see. I'll talk to him later.

Holy shit, I had homework due in online through this website, and for some reason it's not working. Willl the professor believe me? Nope. Why? 'Cause she's a bitch that way -.- Have to wake up at 6.30 AM tomorrow, so I'ma go crash. 7adee day5a and long day! ;/

New week's resolutions:
1- Not giving two shits about guys at our uni, no matter how hot and bootyful they are, not. Gonna. Stare.
2- Gonna try to catch up with my Politics class and do some serious ass kissing to get the A I want.
3- Not gonna look at Kk from now on, not avoid him. But just not look at his direction no matter what.
4- Blehhh... Makoo shay. I'm just blabbering and itfilsifing.

Goodnight

N. -Kk

xx

Mistaken Lust For Love, I Finally Had Enough Of Your Bull. What You Tryna Pull, Mami? Don't Try Me.

"You knew i was weak for love, so you wrote me love letters sweeter than a peach, you relax me like the beach Shawtyyy! Thoughts got so deep Shawtyyy... I've been gettin cold feet. Even the truth is a lie! The truth is love could be so ruthless. You is so bad, you know your so bad! But you won't be the baddest I've ever had!"
Did I mention I love this song? Did I? Did I? I do! very much so, yes. I do! ♪ ♪ ♪ <3

Another great day! ;D

I've realized that I start most of my posts by describing briefly how my day went; i.e: such a long day, good day, etc. Bleh... I don't get how I'm an English Literature major, even Ms. Q says so! :O She makes fun of some stuff I say or write. Like what, you say? Hmm... Okay, well because I've went to a British school, and she went to an American one her entire life, some of the pronounciations of the words we say may seem different. For example, the way I say the word "says" is completely different than the way she says it! And when I say mine, she'd immitate me with a British accent!!! Shakooo?! :O Humph. What else? Oh, words like: strawberries, croissants, copouns, and others as well, it's like, her ways of entertainment, she enjoys mocking me ;D

T'is okay though, tmoon ;** I just smack her head or get a quick boob grab in public to embaress her, we're like that. And for some reason, all the crazyness come out specially on Mondays and Wednesdays at Gust with us, I mean, we do go crazy on a daily bases. But the extremely high levels of stupidity, absurdity, brainlessness, idiocy, and imprudence manifest during those two days. I'm assuming it's because we spend hours in the afternoon under the sun between my 8 AM and 3.30 PM classes? It's the effect of the sun, damn it. But seriously, don't make fun of my little words here and there :( I loved the school I went to, and I'm so taking my kids there! <3
So yeah, about today! Ms. Q started hers with a date, thank you very much. I'm proud to be the first to announce that she has had one of the greatest first dates ever!
I hope she won't get pissed reading this, I'm just... Too happy for you baby! They went walking and he showed her where he lived with his family, they talked about everything and nothing <3

Oh, and he kissed her cheek goodbye, can he get any wonderful-ler? Ma3ti8id! He's a keeper, agoolaha, keep your claws on him Ms. Q! He's a catch ;D She met him at around 7 AM this morning, and came back to Gust at 10.30? Hmmm... Interesting ;p 3'a9ib ba7rijhaa! ;p She smiled all day <3 We left Gust as soon as she came, I drove to Avenues and she came with me, we had Chocolate Bar! Yum? I had waffles and she had Pasta, breakfast & lunch, hamaj. 5ala9na and we walked around for a while, looking at stores here and there, making mental notes of what to buy next time we're there.
A.T called when we were chilling at one of the million Starbucks branches there, and we decided to meet up at the beach for a walk, all three of us.

He's such a nice guy! Did I say that? Seriously, he's polite and shows so much respect! It's lovely *sniff* and Ms. Q adores him too, great friend ;D Ma 6awalna, saa3a maybe then we had to head back to Gust to we could study for our untouched I.T notes! And guess what?! We so managed to finish studying 20 minutes before class, it was Berfect! And the midterm wasn't that hard as well, we're not dildos after all.
I really hope this week goes really well, you know? We need it, we saw Mz before our midterm W KANAT MAADA BOOZHA! Why? For crying out loud, why? 7aram kserat 5a6ry awal shay, Ms. Q and I both kept asking her if something was wrong, so she'd talk and feel better? She just replied by saying no.

Okay, so you get to have the "I'm in a bad mood, and I wanna stay in a bad mood because I'm a bitch that way and it's non of y'all's business" day, I understand.
I have some of those, up to 6 or 7 seven days a month, it's normal, besides your period. Yup, I understand. But not when we're both having such a good day! I didn't wanna be selfish about it, so we stopped pressuring her into talking and kept her company until we started our midterm, we love her <3

One other thing... Something happened when we went back to Gust in the afternoon, before we started studying and everything. Again, why? :( *tears* Ms. Q and I were both making our way to the library, and it was a little crowded because of the Book Fair thingie? 3ugub ma dasheina, guess who was right infront of me? I even smelled his cologne as I passed by him looking at the ground! Kk... I HATE THE FACT THAT WE GO TO THE SAME UNIVERSITY! Ubey, when I saw him, I just died... Even Ms. Q felt the akwardness! She was like "whoa... That was akward" after we passed him as he walked out of the library. We made eye contact for like a milli second, then I had to look away. It was too painful! I thought maybe the best way to get over him fast is by avoiding Kk for the first few days? Yeah, that didn't work.

And you know what made the whole thing worse? I saw him twice after? Not from far away, but like, super close! Face to face kind of thing! :(
Cry me a river N. -Kk! But really, it just made all that overflow of powerful emotions come back... I'm obviously no where near over him...
Fuck. Make time pass by, yeah? Quick, not so slow, two years kind of quick, so I can graduate and leave Gust as well as Kk behind! Bleh...

I miss him.

Goodnight

N. -Kk

xx

Thank You For Showing Me With One Look What Used To Be & Still Is A Possibility

So again, we're at Starbucks Bidi3, Mama and I; and it's just weird how every time we're there, something odd happens! Like what, you say? Erm… How about the emo couple who were making out the other evening? And today, holy mother of the Gods of Grains! We walked in, and as usual, Mama asks me to go upstairs and reserve our usual spot-the couches at the corner looking out to the window, while she orders our usuals. We're so plain and live in this daily routine, it's not even funny. Same spot, same drinks, same books, and the list goes on! Anywho, I always seem to shift from one subject to another! *Smacks the back of her head to focus again* So yeah, I go upstairs and head to the couches, and what is the first thing I see when I reach there? THE. MOST. DISGUSTING. MOST. GROSS. THING. A human being can witness, at a very young age may I add! I'm nineteen for Fuck's sake!

Hfft, These two girls were sitting at our corner! Wait, hold up yo. That's not the vulgar part. Wait for it… Wait for it. One of them, who Lord have mercy, looked gorgeous, so why the fuck were you wearing what you were wearing? Usually, I don't judge peoples' appearances and their odd wardrobes, la t9adgoon, okay? I always do, I'm shallow and one-dimensional that way. But for real nigga, she was wearing these cotton pink shorts, and a large white t-shirt. Okay, let's start with the shorts, I wanna criticize about one thing, they look amazing if you wore them going to the beach or having a walk on a summer day. Granted, those pair 7adhum yshawgoun! <3 And I wanna buy all the colours they've got in the store law a3aref wein and I'd go home and colour coordinate them right away! But, they were too undersized and showed more skin than material! Sta3'ferellaah. No really? ;p Keifha, but still, it didn’t look civil, shda3wa civil? You think I'm over exaggerating? I swear to God I ain't!

And next, I hearted her shirt, I'd marry that shirt, I'd make babies with that shirt, I'd sleep with that shirt if I could. It looked marvelous!!!!! *clasps her hands and intertwine her fingers while looking at the sky and begs for one* 3aleiha bil 3afia, la tdamer liblouza with her whatever she's drinking drink. Athba7haaaa! Inzein, the I-wanna-hurl-part… Her thighs, man! They were so out there, I purposely halted and stopped jidamha ashkara to show her how shocked I am from what I'm observing! A7san, feel shame biatch! Inzein, enough for the complaining, let's talk about something delightful, yeah? Awesome. Ms. Q met someone today! Halleluiah ;D I've never been happier! Supposedly, I should have met her at Anjafa this morning to go walking before our classes, yeah? I overslept =/ I felt bad, but I pledged to make her have a great day, and she did! Humph, moo miny though. She spotted a guy who was obviously interested in her, by her descriptions, he seemed very yum? Yes, and so amazingly good looking!

She didn't call me or anything, but wanted to deliver the news face to face! She kept pulling and shoving me, grabbing my arm and squeezing me, with butterflies in her stomach and hearts revolving around her head like orbits! Ya7leilha, all I did was smile, laugh, and give occasional "Ay shay!", "OMG!", and "Fuck, he's hot!" terms. They kept texting all morning and afternoon <3 Good for her, thumbs up! Tistahal, I'm just glad she moved on after breaking up with her boyfriend, he was obviously no good for her, and she definitely deserves so much better! This guy seems to meet her criteria, at least I think so, let's just keep our fingers crossed, wait and see ;D What else? Oh, I'm getting fucked by American Politics! Thanks, total rape, yo. Real bad, I lost count of the chapters we've been studying for a few weeks ago? W 8adamt poop in my last quiz, after starting this semester so positively and full of hard work, damn it! But I shall catch up, and I shall get a respectable grade, or I shall fuck him up in his office, that tiny professor, with Ms. Q's help. PartnerInCrime<3 Too gay? I just loB her. I met F. my ex today, so he'd tutor me Algebra? That didn't go well, poor guy. I honestly pitty F., he tried so fucking hard to make me understand. It was a test of patience, and he obviously passed it. I'm such a dildo, a bimbo, a vibrator, and all of those synonyms that go with wei3? Ee. W ba3ad? I was supposed to do my Presentation, yeah? I'm doing it right now! Yaay? 7ada!

I'm almost done, not really? Just wishful thinking! But I will, I'ma finish it before going to bed. My partner called a while ago, asking how everything was going, and I told her that I'm almost done? White lie? I just didn't wanna upset her, lana she's such a hard worker! So yeah, I'm working on it now. And blogging! <3 I'm just about to finish… Inshalla ;D A.T called, and we talked for a while, we might be walking his dog tomorrow by the beach. But I wanted to wear a dress tomorrow!  I guess I won't. Or maybe change right after? We shall see! I'm making such a biggie out of my wardrobe, madree leish! I don't usually care about the outfit I'ma be wearing the next day. Blehh… Inzein, Shaklee baroo7 anam! I wanna sleeeeeeeb! But A.T's still on the phone, ya7leila! He's nice, suwalfa 7elwa. It's obvious he seems still nervous, cute… 9a7? <3 Ee, so uni at 7 AM tomorrow, class at 8 for the presentation shiziet! Then meeting Ms. Q to print our I.T papers 3ashan nadres i9'eher, then off to mamsha and walk! Yaay! Can't wait ;D Inshala good day, we'll see.

Inzein, 5ana5ali9 shi3'lee now, yeah? And I really hope it's good! It's about Robert Frost, and his poem Mending Wall, dude it's very complicating and to make matters worse, it's at 8 AM! Meaning, my mood's gonna be shitty, so I'm gonna be in desperate need for caffeine!

Aight, good night.

N.-Kk

xx

And By The End Of The Night I'ma Have You So Fucked Up

Song of the day: Paradiso Girls - Patron Tequila

Very unproductive day! Honest to God, I had the intentions of waking up at 9.30 AM and studying my ass off until the minute I'd go to sleep tonight, gilt ba5ali9 my presentation for American Lit. and do my Algebra homework! Did I do any of those? Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zero! So this is how my day started; Ms. Q called and woke me up, saying that she's having lunch with her family and coming over right after. I half expected her to say that, since she can't stand the fact that I'm away from her for more than 48 hours. She loves me. Thanks. Ms. Q, if you're reading this, stop being in denial, you know just as much as I do that you larv me, we're beyond that point in our relationship, it's not my ego speaking, really. You do, end of story! But no worries MyLady, I do as well, so there <3

Ilmuhim, I woke up, washed up, and got dressed while she had her lunch and drove over here. She didn't have to be all formal, call, and tell me she's outside, Ms. Q walked in through the kitchen door, and came up to my room after saying hello to my brothers. I opened the door for her and welcomed her with a "We're going to Starbucks 3dailiya to study." She agreed right away by saying "I knew that!", I laughed, grabbed my laptop, bag, and walked out my room. We drove away our neighbourhood, but before leaving the area, I took her so she'd see the house of one of my neighbours! He lived a few seconds away from us, a corner at the end of the street. I told her how I met him, it happened when I was groccery shopping the other day. Kint tawni 6al3a min Starbucks and I headed to the co-op to grab some last minute stuff dad usually forgets to buy whenever he goes for his weekly groccery shopping routines. I was in the Dairy Products department, when I spotted a guy behind me with his own 3arabaana buying all sorts of things.

It was obvious he was getting food and supplies for a family, 3arabaanta was almost full. It was amusing, I love it when I see young men shopping for their families, but I immediately thought he was married, madree leish. Then why has he been behind me all this time? Coincedence? I didn't wanna seem too confident, so I just continued getting what I needed. Again, still, he was always around, either on the same isles I'm in, adding chocolate bars or at other departments filling up his cart. Eventually, I went to the casheir, a7aasib wamshee, thankfuly, the lady finished her job quickly, and I was able to pay and leave. But just before walking out, I look to my left, and I see the same dude 7aasibing as well, mashaala, perfect timing much? Lol, he was cute, I have to admit, and the whole shopping for his familu thing is some points well scored, let me tell you. I smiled to myself and walked to my car, deliberately taking my time to see when he'd leave the co-op and head to his car. SLutty? No, come on. Innocent until proven guilty, I wasnt obvious at all, kilish *Looks up at her non-existent halo and giggles* Anywho, so I get in my car and wait for a couple of minutes for it to heat up. Who am I kidding? My eyes were glued to the door of the co-op to see when the dude leaves, ma 9aarat, shda3wa shaaree kil ijam3iya? I waited some more, forcing myself to believe that my car needed even more time to warm up.

Bleh... Finally, I reversed and drove out of the parking area. After leaving, I took the first U-turn on my left to head to my place a couple of blocks away. Where suddenly!!!!!!! Yup, you guessed it! I see him! Holy mother of shit... A Tawareq, next to me, about to U-turn as well, I still didn't look who was inside, I don't know why I felt like I had this urge to turn my head to the right and look at the driver of the car, yup, it was him! The irony of the whole situation! I waited for more than five minuted, which seemed so much longer while I was at it, expecting him to get out at any given moment; and when I finally give up, and drive away, he's right there next to me! Ahhh, shoot me. He's too cute! Was it just my imagination? Was I acting too desperate? I barely looked again, not wanting to seem very "out there" and plain transparent. So yeah, I reach the block before mine, and drove in there, realizing he was still behind me. Two options were circling in my head, he either lives close by next to my place, or he's being this really adorable jerk who's following me home? Rude much? Madree...

Fa gelt, let me play this game. Ba7oos wa7oos for a few minutes around the neighbour hoods and we'll see where it will get us, I was sure he'd get bored eventually and drive away. He didn't, I went to the small fer3 in that block and and did as well, he parked his car, walked in and left a minute later. Anyways, one thing led to another, and he had the nerve to come up to me and introduce himself! The balls! If he wasnt cute and super gentleman-ish the whole time, I would've killed him. But no, he was nice, and surprisingly, had a very good sense of humour! So we talked for a while, he told me that he always shops in this co-op since it's close to his house, he turned out to be living a few houses away from me! He laughed at the whole situation, us living next to each other, 3'a9ib neighbours ;p Then I did something completely stupid! We exchanged numbers, I wasn't interested in him that way... Not really, I mean he seemed nice and all, but I just didn't find that thing, that quality I liked in men. Nevertheless, I felt that it would be cool to get to know him, and we'd eventually be good friends.

I never met any of my neighbours after moving in, so this was nice. Hal 7achy 9ar a few days ago, and since then, we'd text and call occasionally to say hello, no biggies, no pressure, he wasn't forward at all, bil 3ags, he seemed extremely friendsly and mature, no cursing and very respectful. Despite the shyness and the I'm-nervous-and-I'm-trying-to-make-conversations vibe, he talked about himself and I got to know him a little better. He'll go by the name A.T, so yeah... Back to today. After leaving 3dailiya, Ms. Q and I felt like going for a walk ib Mamsha il Surra, madree leish, we didn't even know where it was -.- But what the hell, yeah? We'd find it soone or later. As I was driving around looking for it, A.T called, I asked Ms. Q to answer the phone since I was too busy driving and spoting any living creature walking in a training suit and assume that we're there already. We're such dildos, so she answers the phone and they started talking, she immediately got a good first impression of him, ya7leila he was nice and didnt act all formal and akward because a friend of mine answered the phone.

He later on asked where we were, and she told him that we're looking for il mamsha biSurra, and what does he say? No, really... What does he say? "Oh, leish ma geltooly? I wouldve asked you to take H. my dog to walk with you guys, you like dogs, dont you? Ofcourse you do!" and the way he said it, he was so enthusiastic about it, it was cute! She asked me whether or not I fancied the idea, I didn't mind really, I mean.. It's safe, mamsha ya3ni, and he wouldn't kill us. So I agreed, and at that point, Ms. Q was ecstatic! LOL I was just glad she was happy. So I went over to his place, and we took H., his dog. That thing was big, yo! Like... Humongous, not even. Ms. Q was all like :O "Shit, dude he's a bear!" I laughed at her facial expressions and looked at the dog, he really was huge. But in a good way, he seemed very friendly and hearted Ms. Q right away. A.T didnt join us, because he has just gotten home to take a shower, get dressed and head back to his friend in the hospital, since he was looking after him for a few days. Sweet, yeah? 7ada! So we reached our destination, thank Goodness, and started walking. H. was so quiet! It wasnt even funny! He's a big ass dog for crying out loud! Leish may6ali3 wala 9out? Too awesome, I started to like him too. We walked for about half an hour, and it started to get too hot, for us and for H. so we headed back to A.T's place to drop him. The entire ride home, H. was laying down occupying all of the back seats, chilling, while the windows were rolled down and he loved the music we had on! LOL He didn't show it or anything, but he didn't seem to mind the loud music <3 As soon as we got to our neighbourhood, I helped H. out of the car, he seemed so lazy and light headed, might be from the heat, poor guy. A.T thanked us and asked me whether or not we had a good time with his dog, it really was fun, and I definately appreciated the fact that H. didnt drool, pooped, or pissed on my back seats. I didn't tell A.T that, thinking he'd believe I'm moo 9a7ya, so I just told him that we enjoyed his company, and Ms. Q wanted to do it more often.

He replied by saying that he was sure H. loved the walk as well, and he'd love to do it again anytime soon. We said our goodbyes and headed back home after my mother called, we walked in, washed up, and hung out with her for a while. Ms. Q hasnt seen her in days, so they catched up while I finished washing up. We spent the next hour in my room talking about the randomest shit <3 I tried studying after she left, but I seriously wasnt in the mood for any reading or writing. Blehh... I feel guilty for wasting a perfectly good weekend! I decided to skip my Maths quiz, since I was told that it's okay to drop one of them? But F. wouldnt let me! I said that I wouldnt have the time to meet him so he'd tutor me but he wasnt convinced and managed to convince me otherwise. Wei3, I have so much on my plate! I'ma just drop dead tomorrow, and I'm blogging, seriously? I just wanna go to sleep, Ms. Q said she couldn't sleep, tfaker feeny adree. She's so see through! We've decided to meet up tomorrow at 8 AM to walk at the beach, then she'd head to her class while I get ready at home then head to Gust as well. I pray to God I'll be up by then and start the day well. Inshalla, I need this week to be okay and flow well, malee 5ilg drama and chaos! But you know how Gust is, mehh... Keeping my fingers crossed w inshalla 5air.

P.S. F. told me about this must-read novel, it looks great, I've done some research about it and I think I'ma order it from Amazon.com since they don't have it in Kuwait, madree leish. But yeah, I recommend it, the novel's called House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. For those of you whole like reading about Ergodic Literature.
I'm not lame, yeah? I just like reading, a huge fanatic and proud, thanks. Aight, yo.

Good night

N.-Kk

xx

You Don't Say...?

Okay, so I've realized that I really am a pessimistic person, and what's even worse is when someone point blank says it to your face. It's like, shit, I wish the ground would just open and devour me! I didn't appreciate the feeling, nor the fact that that person said it -.- What else? Yes, I really truly feel like it7il6iming about random horse crap, I'm just in that mood. And what better way to let it out than blogging? God bless the person who created this website, oh and let's not forget Ms. Q for introducing me to it, I larv you. Oh, so you Day 26? They have this really good song, actually it's a couple.. "Get Away Girl" and "Truth Is A Lie"! They're so fucking good, it's not even funny! I'm just hooked on the beat, and Ms. Q added them in her CD, which doesnt get out of my car, thanks. Again, I larv you.

I havent seen her today at all, which is weird... Not is a lesbionic kind of way, even though people actually believe that we're dating. Oh well, they can all take their rumours and shove iit up their buttockses or howevere you spell the word. Apparently, I dumped Sn (a friend of mine whom people think that I'm dating) just because I hooked up with Ms. Q! Ya3ni... 5ali9at kil il ishaa3at? For crying out loud, cant two girls spend their whole hours at uni together, skip the same classes to share a Turkey Pannini, go to eachother's houses when we leave Gust, go to the beach before our classes together, pick eachother up, eat KitKat and drink orange juices, talk about our periods, our always-seems-to-be-downhill-relationships, have car accidents together, drink from the same frappuccinos, and study together? Seriously. Savages. Again, not in a lesbionic way, really. Even our mothers started to doubt our so called friendship at some point, un fucking believable!

Anyways, what was I saying? So mom decides to go and do some of our work at Starbucks Bidi3 today, yeah? Just before I parked the car, she asked me to call Ms. Q and see if she'd wanna join us for coffee and maybe study a bit? I didn't think twice about it, I called her and she picked up right away, this is how the conversation went.

Ms. Q: Hellloooooo -said in a I'm singing a hello to you baby kind of hello-
Me: Wainich? -7adee baarda-
Ms. Q: Home?
Me: Meet me at Bidi3 now?
Ms. Q: No?
Me: Why?
Ms. Q: Because I just got back home..
Me: Oh okay. -I'd give her a puppy face and beg if she'd see my face, but no.-
Ms. Q: Yup.
Me: Inzein, yalla injal3ay.
Ms. Q: Bye.
Me:...

And I hang up, 7mara, I missed her today.

So we walked in, yeah? And the way people stare, I mean sheesh, really? What's even gross is that it wasnt just men staring, but women too. Like why??? Kafee il jaw araf, you wanna make my day worse? Do you all organise a meeting and vote for the best day to ruine my mood? ALong with the fucked up weather? No. I don't need it *Spots the first corner, crawls up and positions her self like a fetus, and cries* We got our coffees and headed upstairs, it was empty except for a group of three at one of the corners. They were obviously friends, two guys and a girl, kilhum dressed in black with black eye liner and long black hair. yuck much? Wait, I'm not done, they were all wearing like "We worship the devil" kind of accessories, laughing and talking loudly. Ana 9i3adt gabil umi so I checked out the wa9'3 just before she reached the top floor, 3ala ma staw3abt what the fuck was happening, mom was behind me. Umi la tshoof hal ashkaal! Her first reaction was so out of place and transparent, she scared ME! She was like "Whooaa... Eish hatha?" I didn't respond, and we just stood there, like two children staring at monsters, 3abadat ishaya6een was how my mother referred to them.

During the couple of hours we spent there, we laughed and rolled our eyes at so many things the group would do! Oh, get this! Two of the started making out! Seriously?! Mom was giving them her back, so I couldn't see all of them, bas faj2a while I was facing mom, I noticed two... heads... moving right next to each other sorta and like back and forth in the same direction? I honestly don't know how to describe it to you, but please try to have the same image in your heads. I was weirded out, kint bashoof what in the world was going on. I repositioned myself in the couch to pretend to be more comfortable, and glanced at them, what were they doing?! Yup, exchanging salive and lip locking, TONGUE WAS INVOLVED LET ME TELL YOU! Ana 9ar feeny :O :O :O but I couldn't tell mama 'cause she'd most probably say something like "Sta3'ferellah! Ita8oo Allah! What Dizz??" so I stayed quiet, just screamed inside.

That, I will never forget; it was exteremely disturbing, get a fucking emo room! Shit, okay I respect the fact that you guys are obviously together, but making out infront of your friend who I'm sure felt like a third wheel 'cause he was quiet most of the time, really? Or how you're not respecting the culture you're in, make out.. Keifkum! It's a free country after all, just not in public like that, 3aib... W gabilha bishway, a middle aged couple came to the same floor to have their coffees, w shafouhum and looked at me. ANA ste7ait! Walla fashla, ya3ni 7aram inshalla moo ashkara chithy! Hfft, I don't wanna sound rediculiously old fashioned and extreme, but for real yo, that's just plain wrong. 7amdella, they left a few minutes later and I had teh liberty to dish to mama all about it, she didn't let it pass by, talking about how it's disrespectful, I don't blame her in all honesty.

And the jaw is hfft-ish, did I mention that earlier?

What else? My cosine's having her birthday party today witha bunch of her friends, she invited me and a couple of my friends, but non of us went, both are obviously not interested, I'm not entirely surprised, that person is such a "I love you when I want something and I don't believe that you exist when you dont benefit me in any way possible?" You know those people? Yeah, she changed so much, even her mother noticed, alla yahdeeha, I miss the old her. So let me tell you about this Starbucks guy, yeah? Kila aroo7 Starbucks Jabreya whenever I feel like studying alone, so about a week ago, I took my laptop, text books, and the rest of my belongings and made my way to a table at the corner. 7a6eit a3'ra9'ee w ge3adt alone after grabbing my coffee. I noticed this guy, not old, not young, about my age or older in a few, sitting alone as well and studying. It's just so adorable when I see a guy sitting alone at Starbucks and reading, law inshalla jareeda, moo ila studying, I bit a smile and opened my books.

Kil shhway, when I look up, ashoofa and he'd be looking at me, but as soon as I'd spot it, he'd turn away or look down at his books? He had a good body, and was very good looking, not exteremely hot, but the sort of face ilee artaa7la, you just know that he seems like he's a good person. Il muhim, we both continued studying and having on going coffee fixes. Idmaan! Radeit il beit laman 5ala9t, the next day after I left Gust and headed to Starbucks, he was there as well, and the next, and the next. Shfeeh hatha? Ashkara he noticed that I'm doing the same thing and is most probably asking himself the same question, shtaby? It's my branch! Go away! Kalb, you're cute. Fa ilmuhim, tara ma 3andee salfa, I'm just blabbering again ;D

Abee Ms. Q tiyee bacher, but I don't wanna tell her, bashoof itha tdig w ta3zim roo7ha, just like the old days <3

Oh, and about me being a pessimist, okay. Ms. Q says I'm the queen of sarcasm, when F my ex and I talk on the phone, he says that I don't laugh anymore, and that I've apparently "changed". A few people say inee amed boozy bijam3a, and mama says I act like a forty year old? As opposed to the nineteen year old I really am? Wei3, why do people say these things? I'm a very happy person, thank you. I might have a dry sense of humor where I joke around and not laugh so much, but that doesnt mean I'm grumpy and messed up in the head! Where's a cliff when you need one, damn it? 7adee day5a, I really need some sleep, 3andee so much for next Monday. American Lit. presentation about Robert Frost, a Maths quiz, and an Computer midterm, might as well just grab a baseball bat and beat myself up. I'ma die on Monday, nevertheless, I shall be wearing a skirt, so I can die looking semi-pretty? I hope. Stitch, you better spot me, 'cause I never, ever wore a dress at Gust! You can't get more obvious than that!

Mm... So okay. I'ma sleeB now, yeah? Long day tomorrow, I'ma try to do the presentation and go over the Computer poop. 3ashan af9'a for Maths on Sunday, F. is tutoring me, I hope that goes well, ya36eeh alf 3afia ;D

P.S. I had this delicious fruit salad at Paul, Avenues this morning, w 7adee mishtahya more now? Yum? 7ada <3

Good night

N.-Kk

xx

Goodbye...

Last night, just after posting about how it all ended with Kk, I did something completely stupid. I still dont know what on earth was I thinking... Why the fuck did I do what I did? Madree, I'm just an ass that way, who's completely head over heels for this guy! I copy and pasted the post and sent it to him as an email? With an extra paragraph showing how I only wished him the best, and I'll pray for him to stay happy and safe. It just broke my heart... I didnt expect a reply, I actually asked him not to for the sake of just letting it be, so it could just end... But he did, he replied less than an hour later. This is what he said:

"I have to !! You brought my tears down like never before :) Don't reply, please please don't. Just, Tears!! Good bye."

I saw him in the West parking lot today as soon as I arived at Gust, he was leaving with his friend. It killed me, reading that is so hard. If only things were different... That's all. No long post tonight :)

Goodnight

N.-Kk

xx

But This Journey, It Was Worth The Fight, To Be With You

One of the worst days... Honest to God. I was not expecting the events of today occuring so rapidly and intensely waking up this morning. So I went to bed at around 7 PM last night, yeah? I didn't even bother to adjust my alarm knowing that I'd wake up in an hour or so.. The last thing I did before sleeping was texting Kk, we've been texting all day and I told him that I'd be talking to him when I wake up. Did I wake up? Yeah, you bet. When? 5 AM this morning, dude.. Who sleeps for that long? It's not normal.. And I had the weirdest feeling too! It was like... Sunny-ish, and for some reason, my clock stopped working, my phone was somewhere on my bed but I didn't bother looking for it. Not knowing what time it was panicked the shit out of me! 'Cause I went to bed when it was already dark and the sun set an hour earlier!
I was standing half a second later and sort of figgiting and hopping in my spot hoping miraciously that a clock would appear! I found my phone and it was 5 AM. I was confused, did I sleep all night 'til the morning? Obviously. Kint mgafla, don't judge me.

I looked at the 4 msgs I've recieved, from friends and nothing from Kk. It wasnt like I was expecting anything from him, still though... So I sent him a msg saying that I slept the whole night. "Msg Pending". His Blackberry was off, ofcourse, it's his signature move, it's off most of the time. Hfft. Even though it wasnt, he wouldnt reply early, akeed nayim. I woke up, had a really cold shower 3ashan a9a79i7, and went to Jabriya's mamsha at around 6.30 AM. As soon as I got back, I had orange juice and a quick bite before washing up and getting ready for Gust. That's when Kk sent a "Mashallah good morning, how was your long sleep?" message. Another long day ahead, I prayed to God nothing bad or drama-ish would happen. My prayer was not answered... I was late for my first class, 20 minutes late and I sent Kitten a msg asking the professor to leave the door of the class open so I could ala7ig. By the time I got there, I was told class was canceled! Al7een 6aayra w 7altee 7aala w I parked in the first spot I found a5rat'ha moo yaay?

Pissed the fuck out of me. Whatever, I saw the girls sitting at the North couches on the first floor and I joined them. Their majesties were being all princess-y, one was applying lotion on her arms and legs, the other was working hard with her BrightPinkNailPolish! They both looked so beautiful <3 I smiled a good morning and squeezed myself between them. We talked for a few, then went to our classes untill 1 PM. During my 12 PM class, I sent Kk a message asking if he was done with his classes. He was, and asked me if I had anything in mind. I did... I replied by asking him to meet me at my favorite spot in the beach, so I left my class, told the girls that I had to run some "errands" and drove there to meet him. I didn't know why I asked him to, honestly I didn't want to really think about it or analyse whatever was going on. I just did it. As soon as I saw him, he was still in his car and we got out and walked in the sand area, he complained about the sand, so adorable ;p

I asked him to stop whining and follow me, he was so surprised of the view. The beach was right there, a few feet away from him. It was so obvious he fell in love with the place, the light breeze sort of completed the perfection of the secluded place. We spotted a couple of men, one had his car all the way in and managed to pass the sand all the way to the tip of the beach, the other was standing far away. We found a comfortable spot of rocks to sit on, he still complained about the sand in his slippers and eventually took them off to be more comfortable.
Finally, he stopped, and to my wonderment, started to appreciate the beauty of the sea infront of him. It looked so clean and pure, aqua blue-hard to believe-I know. The waves were crashing on the rocks, it was all so seductive and breath taking.
He couldnt blame me for calling it my favorite spot; sursprisingly, it wasnt very hot despite the high sun at 1.30 PM.

We talked about university, friends, his experiences back in the States, and other random conversations here and there. We both wanted to get closer to the beach, so we approached it, and while he was dipping his toes in the cold water, I managed to find a couple of big rocks to sit on. As soon as we sat, he put his right arm around my shoulder, squeezed my neck and teased about how skinny I was compared to him. I felt so safe, like I belonged there, like it was my sanctuary. I loved it. We just stayed there, just like that, not talking as much, looking out, there were a few guys jet-skiing, one of them actually waved! Ya7leilhum! ;p Our phones rang, but we didn't bother to pick them up. We recieved messages, but we still didnt grab them. We didn't need any distractions. This was too beautiful for anything or anyone to interfere. Ms. Q was calling me, and even though I knew she was mad for being late, I knew she'd understand once I told her I was with Kk. As we got more quiet, he looked at me, he placed my head gently on his shoulder wanting me to be even more comfortable.

If only he knew how amazing this felt for me, I didn't wanna say anything, he might get scared and the moment will just be ruined. As if he was reading my mind, he asked how I was feeling. I just smiled and looked at him, he knew how incredible this all was. And for a few moments, we were able to forget about everything, Gust, friends, familes, responsibilities, I dind't want it to end. Just then, he bent in and kissed my forehead and cheek. My heart melted right there, in my spot, this man is killing me, he held me tighter and played with my fingers. As if he got the green light, he got a little closer and kissed me, so soft and fast, it felt very natural, I didn't comment, did I have a choice? I couldn't talk. It was so mesmerizing that I was completely speechless, I quickly looked down not being able to meet his gaze.
Moo 3an sti7eit or anything, I just didn't know what to say so I felt like the best thing to do is to shut up and look down. He laughed at me, jackass <3

And then came the unexpected...

"You know what's so wrong about this?" He asked me, it was definetely a retorical question so I stayed quiet looking up at him. He took a few moments, with a very serious face as if trying to find the exact right words to continue.. Oh boy, I knew we'd have to talk about it sooner or later. I just hoped it would be later... And not here. Not in my favorite place, but I couldnt interupt Kk and ask him to be quiet. "Its that I lecture her and yell whenever she stays up all night outside the house or the going to places I dont like, or whatever, and here I am." I gave him a questionable look, asking him to go on. "With another person doing tthe things I don't like her doing, being a complete hypocrate. Who does that? 9ij 7ayawan, I don't know what I'm doing..." I hated him for cussing himself, I didn't want him to feel the way he's feeling, he's too much of a good person to feel this way.

Without saying anything, he went on saying how confused he is, and what sort of a place he got all three of us in. He hated it, it was pretty obvious. Kk didn't need to write it down for me, he was lost, I was lost, and his girlfriend does not know what's going on. We always ended up in this situation, realizing that we're doing the wrong thing, he wasn't faithful, and I was definetely not helping him. I'm just so selfish, why am I making things worse? Why can't I just accept the fact that Kk and I will never be together? That he belongs with someone else? Things shouldnt be like this, if things go bad between them because of whatever's happening right now, I won't be able to live with it. With the fact that I was responsible for this innocent girl to become so miserable and upset because of this... Whatever it is... We're back in square one.

After talking for a few days, and everything was okay, we go back to where we started; doubt, guilt, and so much more. I felt my eyes burning, I couldnt fence in the tears, I didn't wanna cry infront of him. It won't make things easier for neither of us. He decided on doing something that's completely ludecrious."I want you to promise me something, I want you to not be upset, to make everything okay after I do this, when you see me at Gust, dont show that you're sad." I was quiet, too scared to hear more of this... "When you leave here, don't drive fast to your class, don't do anything stupid or drastic." Shit. What the fuck is he planning on doing? "Don't worry, I'm not doing anything stupid." That was a relief to me, I breathed out. "What are you planning on doing?" I finally asked. He bent and got behind me to grab his keys on the rock. As if I read his thoughts, I jumped as a quick reflex. "You're not serious... Moo min 9ijik, just like that...?" I asked him. He wanted to leave... Just like that... No goodbye, no closure, no nothing, just leaving me... In my favorite spot in the world.

I yelled his name out loud and he just stood there. He got closer and held my hand. "It's the only way. I can just leave and you'll forget about it." Fuck no, this is not ending the way it is! 3'ala6! How the fuck are we supposed to get closure like this? 9a7ee? I wanted to drop my hand from his and scream to his face, I wanted to hit him so hard so he'd feel the effect of his harsh words. I wanted to hug him and never let him go, I wanted him to understand how it feels being me... I was so glad I didn't cry, strength and stability was the image I wanted to give to him right then, I wanted him to know I was strong enough. He looked at me. "3ayal shtabeeny asawee?! How the hell am I supposed to act? 3a6eeny i8tiraa7, ay shay! Anything that make sense!" he yelled back. I was so scared, not from his loud voice, no. But because I knew where this was going... I had to give him up, I had to, for her... "Dont just leave like this, atleast have some respect and curtosy to finish what you've started, you wanna end whatever is going on, do it right, damn it." I said.

He didn't move an inch, just looked away at the sea. "Look at me." I continued, it was barely a whisper, but loud enough for him to face me again. He was so close I could hear his breaths on me, I'm gonna miss this... Kk is one in a million, I didn't wanna look at someone else when he's around me. He's me. That's how I wanted it to be, forever. But it's just not possible, we had to face it, deal with it, and end it. He offered to walk me to my car, I looked at him so blankly, no expressions that said anything on my face. I managed to pull of a cold face. Without another word, I picked up my keys and cell phone from the same rock he had his belongings and walked away to my car. He queitly managed to catch up to me... "Don't be angry, don't be like this." he said as he walked right next to me.

"Mu m3a9baaaaaaa Kk!" I answered. Shit, I didn't wanna be that loud, it was disrespectful, I hated being rude to him! "Yeah you are, shiftay shloun you picked up your keys and walked away from me? Shiftay shloun ga3da t9ar5een?" He asked.
"Ee ya3ni how do you expect me to react? You wanted to just leave me there!" I pointed to the spot we've spent the past hour and a half in. We stopped walking and turned back to looked at the beach. I stayed quiet, "This was it, this was it..." I thought in my head. I noticed a guy approaching our direction, he held a bag, maybe coming to fish, that made me continue walking. We got to the parking area, it was just our cars there, no one elses. "This was it, this was it..." I thought again.
After unlocking my car a few feet away, Kk rushed to open my door for me, I got in and turned the car, he still didn' close the door. Kk just stood there looking at me, I didn't say anything, I just didn't know what I had to do, was this really happening? I wish I'd take it back, asking to meet him here, if we didn't meet up today, this wouldnt be happening. Who was I kidding? It was bound to happen... He got closer and bent towards me, "So what now?" I asked.

"Now is it, we just stop." I don't understand how he could just say that, without even looking at me. "How could you?" I asked in my head. I didn't say it out loud because I knew it would hurt him.
He hated the fact that I always think he's cold and doesnt care about my feelings, I knew otherwise, but sometimes I just say it. I don't remember how we said our goodbyes... But we did. He smiled, it was such a beautiful smile, so carefree, mashallah 3aleih hal insaan. The way he's stable, so kept together, it was incredible. I felt like shit compared to him, having my tears fighting to roll down my cheeks, and my heart beating so fast. What's wrong with me? Leish chithy? Why do I get so emotional? I shouldnt... Not even for him. I asked him to get even closer, I wanted to smell him for the last time, to hold him and feel him, Kk bent even more and I put my arms around his neck. "You're gonna be alright, yeah? Okay?" he asked as I held him tighter and tighter. I wanted to take a picture of this image, for it to last forever. I couldnt. I didn't answer him, just nodded my head. I let go of Kk... "Goodbye" he said. I just looked at him, "This was it, this was it... It's for her." I said to myself for the last time. I pulled the door handle and managed to close the door with his help, I didn't even have the energy to close it myself, whats wrong with me?

I wore my seatbelt and stared at the sand, while he got into his car w sha3'alha. One tear fell down my eye, I prayed to God he didn't see it.
So I reversed and rushed out of the parking reaching the traffic light to take a U-Turn to go back to Gust before he left the parking. I turned the AC on, no music though, I wasn't in that mood at all. Ms. Q called me again, the last thing I wanted to do was to talk to someone right now. But I had to, I owed her that much, already mit2a5ra 3aleiha 45 minutes. "I'm on my way." I said with no hellos or introductions. I got to Gust 15 minutes later because of za7mat Salwa, and managed to find a good parking spot after entering the West Gate. Ms. Q and Mz were waiting for me by the couches on the first floor at West, I faked a smile and said hello, they knew something was wrong. Sub7anallah y7esoon, but stayed quiet and didn't ask me any questions respecting the space and time I needed. Ms. Q gave me the "we'll-talk-about-it-later" look. I nodded, and the day went on, I didn't go to my English Literature class, adree mara7 arakiz and I just wasnt in the mood really.

So we ordered Subway after dropping Mz to her class, we took our sandwhiches and orange juices and headed back to the West couches. We talked about it, I just had to let it off my chest, she didn't comment, I didnt want her to, I just wanted her to listen. So that's what she did. I was driving back home at around 5.30 when F. called me, I answered and we talked for a few minutes. I was focusing on the road rather than listening to him, he also felt something wrong and asked me if everything was okay. I replied saying yes. The last person I needed to talk to about having feelings for Kk is my ex, it was just wrong. I got back home and closed the phone saying that I'll talk to him later on today.

That's the end of him... I dont know how its gonna be from tomorrow.
What if I bump into Kk at Gust?
What if someday I see him somewhere?
What if I missed him too much?

I fell in love with this person, and I didn't say it to him. I couldn't.... And that's that.

Good night

N.-Kk

xx

We’re Holding Time In Our Hands & It Stops When We Say.. And We Ain’t Stopping ’Til The Morning Light!

So get this, I have an American Lit. midterm tomorrow, and I didn't touch shit. Yeah? Nothing, naada. Ma medany! Such a crazy day... And to top all of it, the midterm is at 8, so I won't have time to cover everything! But the good thing is, I rarely skip that class, maybe twice this course, and I memorize just about everything the professor talks about in class, so I think I'm safe? Score? I hope. Inshalla 5air.

What else?

Today was chilled during the afternoon, Kitten and I decided to go to Starbucks bil bidi3 during our break at one to study, and it was pouring cats and dogs while we were walking in! I loved the smell of the rain <3 Gi3adna saa3a, then we had to head back after getting gas 3and Liblajat. Kitten was saying hello to the guy who was filling up the tank, she asked him what his name was, madree leish m6ay7a il miyana, guess what he told her! Oh my Goodness, you'll never know! He's like... "3abood :D" Ana hnee 9ar feeny... "You've gotta be shitting me!" Mdale3 nafsaaaaa! Holy mother of shit! Who does that? LOL It was too funny, Kitten was laughing like crazy!

Oh and I've noticed something, I don't know why, but any person who sits on the passenger's seat dances in my car! How dare you think I'm a liar? :O I'm dead serious! First, it was Ms. Q, then Kitten this afternoon, the Fz my best friend tonight! Oh and my brother K. this morning on our way to Gust! It's crazy! They're either all psycho and loco, or there's something wrong with the seat, goving off Dance Vibes. I don't know. What else? I'm blaberring... Oh Oh! Stitch! Dude, everyone was wearing yellow today! So many girls, and most had their hair covered, so I wasn't able to identify you! Hfft. This sucks tomatoes -.- Kk didn't come to Gust today, he had plans with a few of his team members, we kept texting most of the day though, things are cool.. I guess we're adjusting to the "just being friends" part. I don't know, it's still not clear enough...

I took Fz to this place at the beach when we finished having lunch at Maki in Marina Waves! Dude, the beach was awesome! You have to check it out, you know that new restaurant awal il Blajaat that's called 9anawbar chena? The big grey one? Yeah, go in their parking but like turn left, and there's this huge area of mountains of sand! There's a beach behind it, I managed to park my car a few feet from the sea! It was amazing, and the sun was setting, so gorgeous! We just sat there for a few minutes before heading home, 7maara I wanted to study for my midterm that I'm having tomorrow, but she was craving for Maki's salad and I just couldnt say no <3 The food was good too! I usually hate Sushi, but I have no idea what that woman ordered, I ate so much, yimkin lanee kint you3ana and I just had two cups of coffee since I woke up. Madree..

We drove around after sitting at the beach, w laman wi9alna dewar il Bidi3, just before I turned, we had our windows down because of the beautiful weather, and this dude told Fz "Waaaay law ag3ad b7i9'nich bas!" Who says that?!!! Min 9eja?! LMAO! I died laughing, madree shloun I was able to drive after that! Fz was obviously very disturbed and violated! Her face turned red! LOL We had fun today, her and I <3 Aham shay leil7een moo nayma, it's 11.30 and I have to wake up at 4 AM to revise! Bullocks, alla yaster bas. Mishtahya Fries... Then maybe a Brownie with vanilla icecream? Nice combo, ey? I know, I'm gross that way. But they're both so delicious! My weakness... <3 Inzein, ma 3andee salfa. I really should continue "Hold Heart, Don't Beat So Loud"! Inshalla, a5ali9 from these midterms bas, 'cause I want the next part to be really good! Hmm... Inshalla. Alrighty then, I'm off to bed.

P.S: F. called about an hour ago, and said that I'm confusing him lately, sending mixed signals, sometimes I show that I'm agreeing on starting over, and other times, I'm this cold N.-Kk he can't identify. It's not like I'm doing it on purpose, and it's been really chaotic a5er fatra, so I can't deal with fixing anything right now, I just want him to get that, I hope he did after tonight.

Goodnight

N.-Kk

xx

Karma's A Bitch

So I've been hooked on a couple of songs the last few days... I hate it when that happens. Honest to God, I was not able to focus during my English Lit. midterm today because of the songs! First off, who the fuck has midterms on a Saturday afternoon? Seriously? No. Unacceptable. But did I have a choice? Hell no. The songs are "Ooh Aah" by Colby O'Donis and "Put Your Records On" By Corinne Bailey Rae. I love her, she's so talented, and the simplicity of her music is so breath taking <3 So yeah, let me tell you the sort of fucked day I've had. Goes to show you karma's a bitch, but I didn't do ANYTHING WRONG! I DON'T THINK I DID! Hfft. Ms. Q and I decide to meet up at Gust at 9.30 sharp, yeah? No. Her car was messed up w t2a5erat, but just for a few minutes, I was determined to not let anything ruine my day. She showed up, not at Gust though, at Mishref Co-op, and from there, we drive to Gust seperately after grabbing Breakfast Take out.

We drive all the way over there, and guess what happens? No guess, no *giggles* guess! Shit, you suck. I have a flat tyre, no really. Wei3, yeah? And the way it happened, shit I got scared shitless, but the good thing is, it happened 3and soor Gust so I managed to stop the car for a few seconds, then drove in to park next to Ms. Q! She opens her door and gets out, looks at my car with a :O Face. Thanks, I didn't need that, just to make things worse, yup. Nope. I didn't know what to do, so I decided for the meantime, I woulnd't think about my baby car and just head into Gust to study for our midterms. We did. I called L., my friend and asked for advice on what to do, I didn't know how to act ya3ni! Don't look at me like that, I don't have balls, thanks. So what does he do? He rushes to Gust from his Shalet <3 What a sweetheart, 7ada Mr. 3ajeeb! He called me as soon as he got to the West parking, and I got out to meet him wawareeh my car. He saw it w 9'i7ak 3alay :( I felt stupid, and quite little. Yeah. Then, and only then did I start paniking! I wanted to cry, but he said he'd take care of it, Ms. Q went in to do her midterm while I sat on the floor of parking while looking at L. replace the fucked up tyre with the temporary one in my trunk. Guess who passes by, no guess *giggles* Kk!

Moo nag9a, he saw me standing and leaning on one of the poles that hold up the umbrellas bil parking or whatever they call them? But he didnt see L.! Did he come over? Nope, he went straight inside the door to the campus, whatever. So yeah, it was time for my class, I took L.'s keys to warn him not to escape after I head in and leave half of the work undone ;p I'm such an ass. But he laughed and didnt mind, as soon as I was done with class, I went out to him, he was done and was waiting for me. I thanked him, Ms. Q was with me, he started joking around and we were laughing like hell. That boy is hilarious, I tell you! Ms. Q was rolling on the floor laughing, and its the first time they meet eachother ;p So yeah, he asks me to "Amsa7 ra8ma and never call him again" and thanked me for wa9i5ing his clothes? 7mar a7iba <3 He called a few minutes later to see if the car's okay ;p One dilemna taken care of, I had my midterm in less than an hour, sawieta, and it was so long!

Paragraph answers, seven pages, I managed to finish in an hour and headed out to West and see Ms. Q waiting for me, we went to our cars, and it was raining... Bullocks. Bas 5afeef, so it was cool I guess. So what does Ms. Q decide to do? She wanted to go to this tailor ib Keifan, leish Keifan? Madri. Ask her, she's just Ms. Q that way, but what the hell? We had nothing better to do, fa getlaha to drive infront of me and I'd follow lei Keifan. We drive, and on the way she realises that she doesnt know HOW to get there! Thoula? ;p Shloun tsoogeen and not knowing where you're going? Hfft. A7ibha hal insaana 3'abiya <3 We get lost, yeah? Oh Oh! And what's even better is that I lose HER! So basically, she's somewhere, and I'm in another place. I ended up following all the signs that said Messila, and she was on the phone with me the entire time, we complained about the idiots and idiotas driving in this country, we were shocked for seeing new buildings in this country, and how it was the first time we saw signs like these, ashkara 9'ay3een!

We both started yelling and screaming and beating ourselves up mentally for itfilsifing and trying to go to a tailor in Keifan! Eventually, we meet up bil bidi3 madree shloun! And decide to fuck the whole tailor thing and just have lunch at Chillis. Such a long day, we just needed good food, our ice tea and Strawberry Lemonade and good conversations. Light and funny. 5ala9na in about 45 minutes, and I offered a ga3da 3al ba7ar 'cause we're gay and we do that sometimes. Thanks. She agreed, we got into my car and left hers to come back to it when we're done. Did we end up in the beach? Nope. We just drove and drove and listened to good music! She's crazy, she was singing along and dancing her little adorable ghetto moves! I wanted to take pictures but she hated it, maynoona. Ms. Q wouldnt stop saying "What Dizz?" for no apparent reason? She's just Ms. Q that way, and I'd die lauging 'cause she'd say it with an accent. She wanted me to just laugh and lose control over the wheel and end up dead somewhere, thats her master plan.

Kalba, lazim t9'a7iknee! Laman maleina, we went back to her car bil bidi3, I dropped her and promised to see her tomorrow. She thanked me for the ride, and said something like "This is what I do with guys, they pick me up after I park then drop me off when we're done, I'm such a whore."... 5ibla? Eee! Don't you love her?! I laughed, and we said our goodbyes. On my way home, L. calls and asks me to get him McDs take out and drop it off to his place since he lives a block away from my place. Wi9alt beit'hum and he was waiting outside, salamt 3aleih and gave him his lunch, we talked for a few minutes and then I had to go back home 'cause mama was worried! She's always like that... Wayed t7aty! ;/ Specially after that last incident at ACK, ilee twafa from an over dose, poor guy, it's just so sad... I mean, his family, how could they hear that sort of news from the college? So mom just freaks out, radeit il beit, 7a6eit rasee, w nimt 3ugub ma 9aleit il ma3'arb. It was such a long day, all I wanted was to relax, no phones, no nothing. Just quiet. Did I get that? Nope.

F. calls and we talked for a few minutes, he was hyper, it was cute. He called me yesterday too, 3ashan shinu? He wanted me to listen to "our song", I dedicated it to him a few weeks after being his girlfriend, almost two years ago, and its amazing how even after our break up, he does that. Anyways, I'm getting way off topic, we talked for a while and he had to go to the gym. Madree 3an Ms. Q tonight, she didn't call or text me, moo min 3ewayedha... So apparently, Stitch will be wearing yellow tomorrow! Yaay! I might identify that cute person <3 She'll think I'm this crazy chick who fancies her! ;p T'is okay, I tend to act in a stupid manner at Gust on a daily bases anyways, so ma fregat. Kk won't be coming to university tomorrow, wei3... But he will on Monday morning, so that's good. He had a midterm ilyoum too, well duhh? I just said I saw him bil parking.

I wanna sleeBB! Gotta hit the garage before my class at 9 tomorrow with my brother K. and check my tyre. I can't believe I drove around kil Likwait ilyoum with the temp one, is that even safe? Madri. So yeah... Long post, long day. I haven't blogged in a while now, I don't know why, I'm just not in the mood? Madri, but I have been reading! Don't worry, N.-Kk's a loyal reader to y'all ;*

Toodles *gay*

N.-Kk

xx

Hold Heart, Don't Beat So Loud - Part Five: The Spell Of The Sea From Its Whispers

I wish he stayed quiet... He should have stayed quiet...

The first thing I did after hearing what he had to say was just stop my hands from fidgeting, stared at him for a few seconds, then turned around to give him my back. I didn't know what to say... ''I've seen you before, at Gust. I went there the other day and I just had to ask about who you are.'' Wow. Yesterday wasn't the first time he's seen me, he's been in my university! How was I supposed to react? ''Really? You asked about me? Who did you talk to?'' I asked. ''Does it matter? You looked so beautiful, so kind. I asked a few of my friends there w they all answered in a good way, they'd say things like mashalah 3aleiha mit2adba and I loved it. Rta7t lich without even knowing you. And when I saw you, 7imadt raby... 3ashan chithy tana7t! I just knew it was meant to be, I had to talk to you.'' I went quiet. So quiet I could hear his breath, slow, steady, and constant. He wasn't nervous, he felt comfortable being this honest. Anyone in my place would be freaked out if not scared, who does that? Asks about me, sees how I am, ya7mid raba that he saw me again? These sorts of things don't happen to me, a girl who's so ordinary, but he didn't make me feel ordinary, I was special.

I backed away a few steps and looked around to make sure no one was looking. I could still hear the waves crashing on the rocks, the gulf looked far away, melting hazily into the black of the horizon. The moon was high, and the breeze soft and languorous, charged with the seductive odor of the sea. The voice of the sea is so seductive, whispering and murmuring forcing you to lose yourself in mazes of inward contemplation. This was so peaceful, it felt so real, the surroundings, his voice, what he's saying... All of it. It felt so real. I was still quiet, and he felt the uneasiness. What uneasiness? I love it, whatever this is. ''I'm sorry, I know I might seem so forward, but just know that what I'm saying is coming from my heart, moo ga3ed al3ab walla-'' I interrupted saying ''Don't apologize, bil 3ags, I appreciate your honesty, thank you.'' I said with a big smile. I could see how his face turned from being worried to relaxed of what I've said, he smiled back to me, and that smile was genuine. He looked so handsome under the moonlight.

''I better get going. It's getting late.'' I said a few seconds after the silence. I didn't want to go though, I wanted to stay until the sun appeared again, but I had to, my mother would be calling any second now and I couldn't be so late heading back home. Rawan and mom were expecting me. He agreed and held the door for me 3ashan I step inside, he didn't close it, shaafny asha3'il isayara and tilting the rearview mirror a little to the left. Perfect. ''Okay, tamer 3ala shay Khaled?'' I asked. I didn't know what else to say feeling silly for asking him that question. That smile again... ''Salamtich Danah. Just drive safely, and text me when you're back home, will you?'' I rolled down the window as he closed the door. He cares, I could feel it in me, it was real, ''Min 3yooni.'' ''Tislamlee 3yoonich.'' He answered and kissed my hands so gently. I felt myself blushing hoping it wasn't very obvious in the dark. From his facial expressions, it was. Great. After saying our goodbyes, I drove away. 20 minutes later, I was in my room, I quickly took my Jimmy Choo's sandals and got undressed. Surprisingly, my mother was already sleeping in her bedroom, and Rawan dozed off in front of the television. I didn't want to wake her up, she just seemed so relaxed, and she must have been tired from all the work in the hospital. I grabbed a warm blanket from the opposite couch and covered her up, just before heading to my bedroom. I needed a shower, but I was too lazy. Usher was singing, Deena was calling me, and I picked up. We talked for a few minutes about what happened, she listened the entire time and gave her usual aaww's and yaaay's every time she thought Khaled did something cute. She obviously felt good about this, we then made our plans for tomorrow and said our good nights and love yous.

I rested my head on my pillow remembering everything that happened today. It has been such a good day; no stress, no worrying, no tension, the sensuality of weightlessness that I wanted to last forever. Just as I held my phone to send Khaled a message, I received one from him. ''You home baby? You didn't text me, so I thought I'd ask.'' was what he said. I replied, ''I'm home, sorry I didn't text you earlier, Deena called ;p going to go to bed now, so I'll talk to you tomorrow inshalla ;* good night, you.'' and I slept immediately not reading what he wrote back.

The next few days were slightly normal, no drama - thank Goodness, and my midterms were coming up at Gust, I had to study hard, Deena, another few girls and I frequently met up and studied together in coffee places; mostly in Coffee Republic. That's where we felt comfortable, the environment there really helped us focus, and we were all quiet, kil wa7da tadris in her own world. In three or four hours, we were able to cover most of the work we needed to study for; Deena and I would usually text each other complaining how boring it was and giggling without the girls knowing anything. I really do love this girl. Khaled and I have been talking on a daily bases, he'd call and we'd stay on the phone for hours sometimes talking about anything we thought of, I was starting to get to know his personality; and every time he said something about him, I was more and more impressed. He was a hard worker, and that was most probably the most important characteristic I loved in a man, he respected hard labor and always, always seemed to be doing something that would benefit him instead of wasting his time. Mostly, he'd be in his usual dewaniyas at nights, and during the day, Khaled would either be with members of his family, in the gym, or studying in his university.

He sent me messages about random things such as how beautiful the weather was and how much he wanted to enjoy it with me, he constantly asks about how I'm doing, if I'm tired, if I'm hungry, if I craved for something in particular but couldn't leave the house because it was too late. The other night, I was having extreme back pain and I couldn't sleep properly even though I was so tired from studying all day. He called and sensed that something was wrong, after asking and nagging for a while, I had to tell him. Right away, he left his dewaniya and rushed to the nearest pharmacy for Voltaren pills, he then dropped them at the door step of my house and called me to get them. He was such a sweetheart, not just with the little things he wouldn't stop doing, but he expresses his feelings and always remained honest with me. He knew for a fact, that honesty was the most important element in a relationship for me, and Khaled never neglected to show me that.

What more could I want from this person? It's been a month, but it felt like a whole life time of good memories. Khaled showed nothing but respect, gratitude and caring. I showed exactly that, and nothing less. Deena would frequently tease us, complaining about the many phone calls and text messages in between. She seemed very happy for me, I was happy... I haven't felt this way for a very long time, and right now, I didn't care about anything else. I just wanted to enjoy this fresh and raw feeling, I wanted to take full advantage of it, breathing in every little piece of heaven he offered to me. I wanted things to stay this simple forever... I prayed that it would. But I knew that things sooner or later would get complicated as our relationship got more serious, all relationships go through that. The ups and downs, the arguments, the yelling and shouting, the cursing and regretting ever saying such harsh things to the person you're with. But I also knew that we'd always figure our problems out, solve every little thing one at a time until we'd reach to an understanding and get through to the other end, every time. I had faith in him, and he had faith in me.

I hoped I wasn't mistaken...

N.-Kk

xx