Hold Heart, Don't Beat So Loud - Part Twelve: Give Me A Little Time To Ease The Pain. Love Me Just A Little Longer.. 'Cause I'll Never Love Again.. ♥

Khaled slowly placed my hand on my thigh. I didn't know what his reaction was exactly. A mixture of emotions; anger, shock, pitty? No. Not pitty. I'd get up, walk away and leave. I hated myself for uncovering so much about my past. It's called my "past" for a reason, so I'd leave it there. I started a new chapter in my life with a person I care so much about; Khaled. He's the only person who was able to help me wipe out the memory of Bader. He's the only one who was capable of getting me out of the hole I was in, with him, I don't need to protect myself. I don't need to lift my guards up.

Nevertheless, I shouldn't have exposed myself in this manner. Now he'll know how weak I am. Now he'll know what kind of a person I am. A girl anyone can fool, a girl who can be taken for granted. When I couldn't stand the silence between us any loner, I faced him and demanded an answer. "Look at me. LOOK at me! Say something, Khaled!" I screamed. But he didn't even lift his face, making no eye-contact with me. Was I such a horrible person to even look at? Does he hate me that much now? Why would he? I didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one who got betrayed, by my boyfriend AND best friend!

No. Not pitty.

I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up to leave, and to my surprise, he didn't do the same. Khaled didn't try to stop me. Despite my efforts in taking my time and walking as slowly as possible, he didn't rush to me. I couldn't believe what was happening. Why isn't he behind me now? I turned around, he was still sitting down, both hands holding his head which was lowered. He looked so sad, so helpless, I wanted to run back and hug him. But why would I do that? I was the one who needed assurance, I was the one who went through those bad times.

It took me nearly an entire year to forget about Jasem, I couldn't eat, pray, sleep, without thinking about him. It seemed that everything I did, everything I saw or heard reminded me of the hurt, of the betrayel. Norah kept calling me for a little over two months, sending all sorts of messages and emails, apologizing. But how could someone accept such an apology? I missed her, that's true. I missed our times together, but nothing she'd say or do now would make me forget that day.

I reached my car and unlocked it. As I sat on the chair and turned on the air conditioner, I looked at Khaled's figure; he was so far away but I wouldn't mistaken him for anyone. It hurts so much, the fact that he's not holding me now and telling me that I deserve better, that I deserve happiness. That's enough, I don't need his words, and I sure as hell don't need anything from him. I quickly reversed and left the parking area, not looking back through my rerview mirror.

It was a little past twelve at night before I reached the house, I couldn't stay out any longer; I hoped to God everyone was asleep. I turned off my phone, and didn't even bother to sign into messenger that night, even though I was certain that Khaled wouldn't call or text. Running to my room, I locked the door and switched off the lights. Tonight was the last night I'd cry over the two most important people who were once in my life; tonight was the last night I'd cry over being so naive and trust worthy.. Too trust worthy.

Khaled...

Khaled was in his car, still driving and trying to comprehend what Danah just said just two hours ago. She looked so weak, so fragile, so...delicate, he was scared to even hold her hand tightly. Seeing her cry broke everything in him, and when he could no longer bear seeing the hurt in her eyes, he looked at the dark sand beneath them. Even though tonight was so beautiful, with its breath taking weather and the black sea with its waves crashing in on the both of them, everything Danah said made the night all the much worse. HE felt hurt, HE felt betrayed, HE felt weak, because he saw all those mixture of emotions flowing through her as she told him the details of her past.

Danah went through hell because of those two, she had to stay strong and overcome her grief, Khaled was positive that she was mad at first, but also knew that she couldn't stay mad forever, and exchanged that feeling with anger. Now he understood what made her give him a very strong impression of who she is, she wanted Khaled to know that no matter what he'd do to her, and no matter how things will go between them, she'd stay as solid as a rock. She wasn't willing to allow anyone else to hurt her ever again. A tear made its way down his cheek. Danah's a bird with broken wings and a broken heart, and he was the one who will heal her.

The phone kept ringing, Khaled mentally counted the number of rings in his mind. One.. Two.. Three.. Four.. Five.. Six.. No reply. He hung up and called again, but this time, the person at the other end of the phone answered right away.

"Hello?"
"Salam 3aleikum." Khaled said when he realized that the person he was talking to was sleeping.
"W 3aleikum, hala u5ooy.. Minu ma3aay?"
"Nisietny? Ana Khaled."
"Khaled? Minu Khaled?" The person asked, Khaled could hear the tense tone.
"Khaled Al..."
"Oh! Hala Khaled, asef 7abeeby ma 3eraftik! Shlounik? Sha5baarik?" the man asked Khaled with much amusement.

Khaled bit his tongue to prevent himself from speaking what was in his mind.

"Alla ysalmik, b5air daam sima3t 9outik. Balla mu8ademaat w 5alna ndish bil maw9'oo3. Can we skip the introductions? Get dressed. I'll pick you up in fifteen minutes."
"What? Dude, it's twelve in the morning! Can't we do this tomorrow? What's it about anyway?"
"I'll tell you when I see you. Fifteen minutes, or I swear I'll make a scene infront of your God damned house. You know how serious I can get, Jasem. Don't think I'm goofing around." And Khaled hung up.

Back to Danah...

After my long bath, I slipped into my robe and went to bed wearing it. Having no energy to get dressed or even turn on my phone again, I checked my watch. It was nearly 1.30, I needed to sleep. I wondered wether or not Khaled called, or even sent a text message; and for some reason, I didn't really give a damn. It was enough that I exposed my weakness to him today even though I promised myself I wouldn't again for anyone.

But Khaled lifted me up, above everyone, he made me feel important again, worth fighting for, and worth caring for. He'd never love someone like me, with a horrible past like mine. I tried convincing myself that so many people must have went through exactly - if not more - than what I have, and they've held themselves together, finding other people to love eventually. But the truth has caught up to me, I'd never be able to trust someone completely again, not even Khaled.

Soon, I was asleep.

Goodnight

N.-Kk

xx